a student at the University of Damascus says...

registered at the University of Damascus today.. :D

Lessons start on September 12th...

Got a level assessment in 6 days time - gotta fix up and start learning again!

That towel story...

Ok - so let me give you a little backgrounder to this story.

There is a significant gap between spoken Arabic (3aamiyya) and Classical Arabic (Fus7a). In some countries e.g. Algeria, Morocco etc the gap is so significant that by most standards it's another language. The countries whose language most resemble Classical Arabic is that of the Gulf states. What this means is that, although most Arabs understand Classical Arabic often words unique to the area are used instead. For example:

- the Classical Arabic for Towel (as in drying yourself after a shower towel) is Fouta.
- in Syria they have two words for towel. Beshkiir and Menshef el-Hamaam. Fouta, when used, still means towel - but a particular type of towel, as we shall see...
- whereas in Iraq they use the word Khaawli.

(NB - I know my posts are being scanned by arabic nerds - pick at my mistakes all you want you bastarfs cos I'm in Syria and you're not! haha!)

Since I left my packing (for a year!) 'til the 5 hours before I was supposed to be at the airport it comes as no surprise that I ended up taking a load of random things which have no use anywhere - hence I forgot such a useful basic like TOWELS :-S

Great - 2 days into my new life i'm getting very sticky and very desperate. So I begin a frantic search for towel. Not knowing the differences (above) I start asking randoms: where can I buy a 'Fouta'? In return I get looks ranging from bemused to minor shock. So I start wondering: what exactly do these people dry themselves with?! I mean, it is damn HOT here but you can't leave yourself hung out to dry (crown jewels flapping with the wind).

Finally I get myself my towels (from the wonderful el-Souk el-Hamdiyya, I might add) after explanation from my friend that Syrians don't use the word Fouta... it has a particular meaning here.

And then it hit me, the bemused looks, evil eyes, shuffles of consternation; what on earth had I done to deserve them?! I knew now...

All along I'd been trekking round Damascus centre asking for sanitary towels

:-S

A post just for Georgia...

Georgia, my dear friends, is my one friend that probably keeps an archive of every slip up i've during year 1 @ Leeds uni - and believe me those were plentiful.

In fact i'm convinced she probably has a satellite system just waiting to catch me and I can just picture her wringing her hands with glee every time I say woman instead of women (or is it the other way round G?)... Anyway, before she rants on about the 'woman/en slip ups, let me just remind you G that this mistake is common amongst Ayrabs (well at least my parents in particular) and i've inherited it somehow - so I cannot help it! (the last sentence could very well be a shoddy lie to explain my crappiness.)

Getting to my point, I'm so bloody glad you aren't with me in Damascus girl! You'd feast on the slip ups i've made here. They range from writing a telephone number the wrong way round to asking for sanitary towels instead of bath towels in a store (in Arabic of course - more on this above haha)... And you need look no further than this blog for mistakes all over the place - sorry guys but for some reason on every Damascene key board there is a sticky key and it is usually a vowel... since the monitors here are usually cack I cannot be bothered to check the post again; Hence my blogs are littered with mistakes.

Colours of grass and harsh realities...

My friend Firaas works with his brother, Khaldoon, in the juice shop close to where I live. He's always talking as if the grass is greener on the other side. Especially when it comes to discussing life in Britain. Indeed the extent of the brainwashing was revealed when I was asked to compare life in Britain and Damascus. Bit of a tough order that, being as it's so early on in the game but I gave it my best shot. I said that there is much less personal security in the west, people are alot colder, cuisine isn't good comparatively and the weather is cack! At which point he said that British women are more beautiful than Damascene women. NO DUDE NO! I told him that i'm more attracted to a horse's arse then most English women (I said this in Arabic yay!)... Ok that was very harsh and not true but I had to make an extreme statement b'cos the idea that he got from American films was that the west was full of beautiful specimens. Correction dude, the US is full of obese people! Anyway it's all a matter of opinion... somebody's gotta love those michelin men ;)

Anyway I had to really emphasise the distinction between people of the UK and US. a) we're much cleverer people even though we elected Tony Blair b) we don't think of Ayrabs are terrorists, although sadly some do. The US on the otherhand has this awful monolithic view c) I'm struggling here cos i'm hot and sweaty, somebody help me out! .... Anyway, you get my drift.

Sadly this desire to go and live in Britain was not an isolated expression. It seems to be epidemic here in Damascus. I think this is to do with two things. Firstly many misconceptions about life in Britain. Yes we get payed more but life is also alot more expensive, and somehow we've been brainwashed to insuring everything apart from our toenails (coming soon to an insurance broker near you!). Secondly life here (damascus) is very difficult. It is a miracle somethings work here, for example transport. It is surely a work of God (as claimed one of my Damascene friends) that there aren't a zillion accidents a day.

I think alot of these stereotypes would be knocked down by a visit to the aforementioned countries. But sadly for many Syrians just travelling within Syria burns a huge hole in their pocket. This harsh reality hit me particularly when i asked my friend if he'd like to come with me to Egypt in the latter part of the study year; to which he replied: "My friend, we in Syria dream of leaving these borders and seeing other countries. It is just too expensive." It turned Firas and his brother Khaldoon work for $3 a day for 8 hours. And yet they always insist on paying for everything... I try my best to make the opposite happen of course but these Arabs are well practiced at making you feel like their guest - where in Britain do you find this hospitality?!

I hope I remember those words everytime I cross a border in the coming year. Just remember how lucky we are guys! Think about Firaas.

Damascene diahorrea, missed opportunities and triangular lifts...

So today I should have been paying a visit to the ancient Meditteranean coastal town of Tartous, followed by a trip to Homs... but oh no, the most evil diahorrea strikes... this is the kind of illness your mother warns you against when she doesn't want you to play footie near her well kept flowers - things that are so inconcievably evil it's just inconcievable that it'll ever happen during your earthly stay...

Anyway, the other day I came across a triangular lift that fit.. Man, my first viewing of something random and Aysar wasn't with me - what a sad moment.. Anyway the lift didn't even have doors, just to massive gaps in it for entry and exit - haha, how reassuring.

My friend Paul just started his blog. A student with me at Uni he's about to go to Morocco for a year and always has something interesting to say. Check it out at: http://www.zalamehmumtaz.blogspot.com

Bastarfs

Not sure when i'm going to have the time next to use the net so i'm boring you while i've go the opportunity.

Here is a rant about the British Embassy...

BASTARFS!

Charging me 50 squid just to give me a letter to my prospective university saying that they have no qualms with me studying Arabic there... how difficult is that??? Hey, mr embassy man, if you're listening I PAY TAXES y'know!

Anyways I managed to visit the university... not surprisingly the lady at the front desk was pretty (how many times have I thought that to myself here?) and I managed to get myself a letter exempting me from the AIDS test... No, before you start laughing that they had reason to do this: it's compulsory for all students! So I had that test at a very run down hospital.. It was quite interesting to see that the other foreign students were from Burkina Faso, Kenya and India; their Arabic was quite impressive.

yknow strangely enough I've only seen one dog so far which I think was a chihauhua - those things are a waste of space (i've seen more use out of a spoon on legs)...

[spoon menace lol]

2night I plan to go to the top of Qasiyoun hill (what's the diff between a hill and a mountain? :S) which overlooks Damascus.. apparently it's a beautiful view and the cafes there are very popular..

Just a few things...

Weather is hovering around the 40c mark!!!

Women here are beautiful!!

Took loadsa nice photos but this memory card reader properly shagged 'em. Besides, for some strange reason I can't upload photos to this blog @ the mo.

I'm in some serious need of some throat lozenges - AirCon has shagged by throat!

I always look forward to meal time here! :D

Greetings from Damascus!

Finally i'm here! After 21 years I return to my roots (my grandmother was Syrian) - what a fantastic feeling.

These past few days have pretty much been straight forward (thankfully)... Passport control managed to coax a bribe out of me but that was to be expected. Syrian Arab Airlines are hilarious - sooo relaxed and all of their staff seem like they've just been smoking pot in the back. Luckily I met to wonderful kids on my flight called Hani and Ahmed (14 & 13 I think).. they were helping me with my Arabic and we spent most of the flight joking around.. I was really impressed at how sharp Arab children are compared to those in Britain.. They were even giving me very good advice about how to handle and talk around the security services. Impressive.

I'm staying in pretty much bang in central Damascus... For one reason or another my big arse is occupying a 3 bedroom apartment. This is only a temporary arrangement of course because pretty soon my money belt will start slapping me if I keep this up.. I should be moving to the Christian quarter on the last day of this month... there is quite a contrast between the dress, behaviour etc of the Muslim and Christian areas. Since i've yet to reside their i'll restrain from making premature assumptions.

Now, the food and drink here in Damascus is so special that it deserves a special paragraph of its own. Guys, the cuisine here is UNBELIEVABLE. Fresh juices, fresh morning pastries to rival the French, tender meats, impeccable cleanliness and sheesha that almost caresses your upper respiratory walls.... ahhhhhhhhh- how sweet it is to be here!... ahhhh man, i've never tasted mint like the fresh mint here...

Now something stands out here (and no doubt in the rest of the Middle East) that makes me feel sad for oldies in Britian. Over here you'll find oldies out at all hours- smoking sheesha, playing backgammon, socialising. What strikes you most is that these people are still enjoying life - something that is definitely missing in Britain. By contrast the British pretty much abandon their elders and too many end up in old peoples homes. How sad. The respect for elders and continued care is something the West desperately needs to learn from the East.

At this point a special mention goes to my friend here, Mohammed, who I know from studies in London. This guy has been so helpful, with accomodation, advice and meeting his Syrian friends (all have been such nice people). I'd probably be in more difficulty without him.

You're all probably want me to stop ranting now and move on to places i've been to. Well i've been lucky enough to visit El-Souk El-Hamdiyyah... There are few words to describe this place, other than a very long arched passage with hundreds of stalls packed into the walls with further corridors branching off, again packed out with stalls selling everything from beautifully crafted clothing to Sheeshas to handmade Syrian icecream. Before that I was lucky enough to meet a lovely couple who'd spent the most part of a year travelling across the middle east and north africa. Their names were Mahmoud and Jodie and their advice was invaluable. Unfortunately Jodie was having pretty nasty upper respiratory problems and I wish her well in getting rid of those soon! Following the visit to the Souk Mohammed, his friends and I walked around the jaw dropping Ummayid Mosque (around 1200 years old?)... Then I took photos of the oldest cafe in the world (just outside the Ummayid Mosque) and we ate the tastiest food at the Beit Jabri. Unfortunately i've been pretty slack in sorting out the procedures (much owed to an unbelievable beaurocratic procedure here) that'll allow me to study at the university here. After that Mohammed and I might visit Latakia; a beautiful beach resort sitting on the edge of the eastern Meditteranean.

All of you are welcome to my new home, so start booking those tickets!

Revealed: Naked Chicken Man sighted

A very quick blog because i've got a frantic day ahead and i've yet to begin packing... (leaving sunday)

So yesterday on our way back from restaurant and more preparations for my leaving BBQ, Jim and I spotted the rarest creature... one only known from legend.

Yes, it's true, we spotted the naked chicken man. And this guy is a normal (respectable?) member of my locality! To cut short my probably annoying hyperbole this guy made a 4 miles return trip to Chicken Cottage in his boxer shorts...... ffuuuuuccccckkk!!! how cold must he have been? How out-of-it was he? And why couldn't he just make the effort to put a bit of extra clothing on and save my eyes from bleeding??? I swear I thought he was a seal for a moment...

I think it'd be great to put someone like that through the Krypton Factor, with the winning prize being £500 immediate spend in Chicken Heaven. Can you imagine, it'd be great watching him do the world's toughest courses just to get his plate of chicken... in the background we'd probably have a theme tune around the lines of 'How much do you want your chickiiiin????!' and the annoying Lucozade man will probably pop up every so often and talk about all the different types of chicken in his ear...........


So having hyper-analyzed this Dr Namir concludes that if your going to get the Munchies, make sure your fully clothed or have plenty of chicken at home.

...erm

Dear Blog,

Sorry for neglecting you!

You'll be updated soon I promise!

Soon. Very soon.
....


The other day I nearly adopted a(-nother) dog! Such a shame it fell through :( More on that soon though.. (and no, before someone says it, the RSPCA didn't reject me for being a beastophile... in fact it was a stray dog I found when walking my own, but we found the owner in the end).

In the mean time i'm doing preparatory things for my holiday so I'm a busy boy...

So my encouragement goes out to you all: Send me a text you bastards! tell me that you're thinking of me! If not then just laugh at this ridiculous post...

(yes, I haven't had much sleep)

*end of random ramblings*

4 days to go!!

SEVEN FOOT WHAT?!

So the other day I met the world's tallest man: 7'9". No seriously, check the photo! His name is Hussein Bisad (with a link to CBBC included just for comedy)...

Quite ridiculous circumstances to meet the world's tallest man too... in a sheesha cafe in Hendon full of Somalis at 2am. Random eh?

But before more I must take this opportunity to apologise t0 him: If you're out there and reading this my, no doubt, well endowed friend i'm sorry for hassling you. I was, well to say the least, under the influence. That included ordering you to stand in Iraqi: 'goum!' in order to get a pic and talking such non-sensical Arabic (that really wouldn't be the first time). Quite worrying when you're about to jet off to an Arabic speaking country...

To highlight the night this guy got into a normal car! Shouldn't this man be driving a phone box on wheels? Ridiculous!

Even more ridiculous is this. Every female i've shown the photo to, bar two today (thank God), has to speculated about his size. Seriously women, get a grip! Not only are you pondering masochism you're making me feel really small, enough I tell you!

Just to make myself feel better I started searching for photos of the smallest man in the world. A fight between him and Hussein just wouldn't be pretty...

---------

On a side note, today i'm sending the link to this blog en-masse! So welcome all!

Can anyone recommend things I might need in Syria? My brain capacity is running low lately. No I don't need a Bananaguard before you mention it Farah.

12 days to go!!!

Bunny in the Gardens

Today I read in the The Metro (i'm restraining myself from a rant against this god-awful daily) that the Stella Artois hosted out-door Donnie Darko screening at Kensington Gardens this coming saturday will be attracting 10,000 people. That's right, TEN THOUSAND!
So i'm a bit worried by this, either I'm going to be flanked by 10,000 Darko-nuts-nerds dressed up in 6ft bunny suits or people as far as Latin America will be hear a very loud 'what the fuck just happened for the past two hours?' at the end of the film. I prefer the former; in fact, given half the chance i'd dress up for this event but the closest thing I have to 'fancy dress' are my widely-ridiculed hawaian shirts. Anyway, the fact of the matter is, i'm going and you're probably not!

For those of you who haven't seen the film there isn't enough praise I can heap on it - although I might be slightly worn out now having seen it 7 times! :) Those of you looking for a brief synopsis can do no better than: it's about a kid and giant bunny rabbit (Thanks to Jim for that)... In fact while i'm on this subject I challenge anyone to a DD mastermind - if you win i'll have to do the Otley Run, naked...
... for your sanity just let me win.

One thing made me laugh out loudly on the tube today (not usually advisable if your an unshaven Arab, but never mind). Sarfraz Manzoor, writing in the The Guardian, argued that Tony Blair lacked the credibility to emulate Jimmy Carter's peace efforts when he steps down as PM. Anyway what made me laugh was this quote:

'Before the almost universal acclaim about his handling of the London bomb attacks,
it was more acceptable to admit to enjoying hardcore pornography
than it was to admit admiring Tony Blair.'

Indeed. My twisted mind can't help but curdle this conundrum: What if you like both Hardcore Porn and Tony Blair?? On the publicity front you'd probably be very screwed [no pun intended].

And there is where I must end my sweet second day of blogging for some much needed sleep. This is also the fourth day fighting a rather inconvenient (no elaboration, before you ask) stomach bug and i'm getting tired of it so i'll leave the rest to my immune system while I sail off into dream world. Sometime soon i'll post a regularly updated list of the Yay's and the Unnervers of this forthcoming Syria trip...

Just 18 days to go!

How important it is to mention...

... Rathergood.com ...

For those of you that know Aysar and me, you should already know about our obsessive love of the above website.

We just cannot help it. The first time my old flatmate Tim showed me the site I was in ridiculous stitches of laughter, seriously. So, one day I showed it to Aysar. Oh dear, it changed our lives. I did the clever(?) thing and showed Aysar the funniest animations all in quick succession. Big mistake (?). Have you ever seen a person crap themselves with laughter? I'm serious, this was not healthy, Aysar must have ruptured a lung or blew one of his testicles laughing that hard. You know that awkward face when your desperately trying not to fart in an important place? The face that tenses and goes red, albeit futile, since Aysar's laughter was coming in waves of farts (laughter in his case).

Anyway, I wont dwell too long on Aysars orifices.. You're probably keen to know what I'm talking about. Well for those who do not appreciate random humour you'll probably need to watch the below after a joint or a few shots but Ace and I didn't need it. All I suggest is, at the appropriate time, watch the animations Gaybar, Pants, Spoonguard, Ban Spoonguard, Simply Red and Holding in that order. Prepare to die with laughter.

To end this post I just have to explain the photos... our hairy-gerbil-resembling-Yasir-Arafat-lookalike on the far left of both pics is Aysar, in the grey shirt is Namir :) That photo was taken at the charity gig for NSCPCC and London Bombings Relief Fund on Thurs 28/07 - that blond guy in the middle is the amazing Joel Vietch (author of most if not all of the genius on rathergood.com).. Of course he must have thought Aysar and I were trainspotters judging by the way we greeted him as if he were our best mate ... but how could you not feel so naturally close to someone that provided so much laughter in your life??? Okay, i'll admit, that was my first instance of trainspotting :-O

Namir

1st blog of of my life!!!

Greeeetings!

Welcome to my blog: Where's Zena?

Why that name then? Well Zena is the name of my parents' dog, she's a cute Lab-x-Border Collie. It's not a very relevant name but I can't waste too much time deliberating on it! I did think about Boy Meets World but some twat with special foresight spex got there before me!

Anyway, aside from that, it's all celebrations here at the launch of my very first blog, yay! Let me move on to a more pertinent issue now, so who am i?

I'm Namir, 21 (going on 42, according to some), my *base* is my beloved London. I first qualified as a Dispensing Optician in 2003, spent two years in confusion (doing the randomest courses - ask!) then decided to do a different degree (see below) ... Just in case this starts sounding like an ad out of single and desperate i'll stop right here; more about what i'm doing...

I've just finished my first year of a four year course at Leeds University studying an undergrad degree in Arabic and International Relations. If this world were a nice and happy place i'd be on cloud 9 working as a footy commentator or president of F.C. Barcelona, but sadly, it isn't and there's alot of shit hitting the fan all over the globe. Hopefully, in the not too distant future I hope to work in either journalism or human rights field work/advocacy. But right now i'm about to embark upon a year of study at the Arabic Language Institute of Damascus University. I also hope to visit a few of the surrounding countries and eat plenty of Kebabs and smoke ALOT of Sheesha ... a very basic character, you're probably thinking - indeed.

Anyways that's all for now... i'm dying for some brekkie...

Remember you guys can always comment by clicking on comment. Also don't forget to add this site to your internet browser favourites by clicking the 'favourites' tab and clicking 'add to favourites'..

Peace out,

Namir