Friday, September 23, 2005

my crappiness...

Blog has been seriously neglected over the past few weeks because:

- I recently started university and it's seriously tiring my brain out... blogging is hard with tired brain...
- Siestas are dominating my life at the moment
- I've just realised that in my courtyard there is the stupidest sofa... but once you sit on it it is almost guaranteed to suck 6 hours out of you.. we call it the Time Sponge.

But have no fears children, i'm slowly getting used to the serious(!!!) life.

Squat Shots

My friend Paul, over in his blog (see earlier link), was pondering the great hole in the floor debate. (Sorry matey, I haven’t yet had a proper chance to read it so I’m refraining from comment). I think I’ll give the analysis a go…

My relationship with the ‘hole in the floor/squat’ toilet is somewhat young. My previous experience with them (experience here = utter refusal to use it) was encounters with the rural shed type (public) in Uganda. This squat toilet is pure evil. To start with you first have to find this hut, if you can call it that. In the rural parts of Uganda they’re usually located quite a way out… probably to keep the evil spirits born there at bay. Once this randomly located mini farm shed is found, you enter. Immediately you are hit by what can only be described as the Devil’s Eau de Toilette. Pure evil. Inside there are a billion flies, all different shapes and sizes. Obviously there is some kind of unknown fly festival going on in there because they’re all flying frantically, not peacefully sitting on the shed wall. Add to that all sorts of crawling things. And last, but not least, it is fucking dark. Like a horror film dark, enough to make your way around, but not reassuring enough. So, of course, I would run in, struggle to hold my breath for as long as possible, do my business (number 1 by the way) and run out as fast as I could while stumbling and still sorting out my zipper. Great.

Hence only recent I used the hole in the floor properly (if you know what I mean). It had to be, since, the other day, I was kinda desperate I had to fully engage this beast. What I mean to say is that the undertaking was an acute exercise in body balancing. Thankfully, to this date, I’ve yet to fall over, partly because I’ve been lucky enough to find something to hold on to every time. But, surprisingly, I’m beginning to appreciate the hole in the floor more and more. Firstly it’s clean. Secondly, it’s great training for if you ever want to be a champion skier, posture an’ all… Finally those infinitely moaning women can no longer get as us guys for leaving the loo seat up! Fantastic.

Of course not everyone is quite a fan. One American I heard didn’t quite understand the technique. Being as clever as the average American this one didn’t quite understand the inherent hint of the word squat in the name… and so he ended up doing ‘his business’ STANDING UP. His thighs got rather messy.

I'm fine... thank you.

Sometimes I wish I could teleport a lot of the people I know to Syria. Before departure I was offered advice of all sorts, ranging from pure terror (“you’ll get blown up”) to extreme over-cautiousness (“colour code your letters so that we know if you’re in trouble”).

Now, lookey here guys. I appreciate your concern… really it was touching. But come on now, what the hell kind of rural backwater do you think I’ve come to? Damascus is not some kind of recently pitched tent festival; it is the oldest continually inhabited city. And the last terrorist attack in the country was 1996, a record quite obviously better than the UK.

I kind of understand the reasons for such negative stereotypes and misinformation about Syria. After all it is in the Middle East; an area that usually conjures up a whole range of prejoratives. And when it is in the news it is usually to do with the (former) occupation of Lebanon, standoff with Israel (a large territory of Syria continues to be occupied by the Israelis), Weapons of Mass Destruction (hah, remember that famous lie?) and the recent murder of Rafik Hariri. Of course let’s not beat around the bush here, it seems that, if the Melis report of Hariri’s murder is as expected, Syria has scored one of the hugest own goals in international terrorism; but innocent until proven guilty remember. Now, I know that no news is good news but the general picture of Syria being some backward violent country completely out of touch and easily generalized is a cruel simplification.

Let us start with a few realities. I’m not well read of Syrian history so I’m very open to correction. Firstly, yes, Syria is a dictatorship. No doubts there. But the most brutal part of reign is long gone now, the incumbent Bashar Al-Assad’s father Hafez passed away in 2000. Hafez had some serious flaws, including brutal suppression of an Islamist uprising in Hama in the early Eighties, killing over 20,000. Today it seems to me that the incumbent, Bashar, is a genuine reformer that wants to gradually strengthen the economy in preparation for a very eventual end to oil revenue. But, not surprisingly Bashar is up against a legacy of corruption and a rigid inner circle that is unwilling to concede to reforms that would expose the upper echelons. So reform is going to be s…l…o…w. Too slow, some say. But then if adopting shitty IMF adjustments in modernizing then why even bother modernizing!

So I’ve made a very brief foray into the very complex nature of Syrian politics just to give you an idea that Syria is not going to remain an interminable dictatorship.

As for the general personal security of Westerners, I couldn’t think of a safer country. Strolling down the maze of the old city streets at 3am in the morning is like that Volvo feeling. In the UK you’d have to take nervous glances to the other side of the street every five minutes because some maniac is either shouting abuse at you or wanting your handbag (wallet in my case.. Thank u!). So guys, much as I appreciate your concerns, it is kinda misplaced, I’m probably much safer than you!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Living in the Old City...


A week ago today I moved to the 'Christian Quarter' in the Old City in the eastern part of Damascus. Upstairs the family live with three other students... downstairs we have about 6-8 students, all of whom are studying Arabic. Most of them at the moment are Norwegian, a German, a Turkish girl and two Brits; this is always changing of course. The rooms are fairly spartan but it's all pretty clean and although the toilet ratio isn't one to shout about, the atmosphere and the nice courtyard make (and all for only 65 a month!) this place a great one to live.

The house itself lies peripheral to the complex maze of narrow alleys that make up the old city. When you walk along these narrow paved roads you feel like you're in a time warp; the small shops, old architecture and the handicrafts that line these streets make this an alomst timeless place. But this doesn't mean that Syrians haven't kept up with the rest of the world... look carefully and you'll find even satellite internet cafes.

One of the best things about being here is the personal security and safety. With such a omnipresent security service you can walk the streets at 3am with next to no fear of and physical harm. But of course all this changes. With another recent influx of refugees from Iraq, i've heard a few complaints by Syrians that crime is increasing (some say that this is because of the influx of poor Iraqis. But it is still at an unbelievable low.

Pictures to come...

Defender of the supermart...

Those of you who know my love of all things random and share that love will enjoy this exceptionally random sequel to Defender of the Supermart...

I stumbled across this while looking for episode 1 for my swiss friend here in Damascus. When I showed him it he was seriously shitting himself with laughter in the middle of an Arab internet cafe, wish i'd recorded his response to that..
Here is the link: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/supermart2

NB - you must first watch the Defender of the Supermart if you haven't already seen it http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/supermart

hahahahaahah

pure randomness... 'you appear to have a bratwurst in your eye' LOL

ahhhhh, thank God for the Internet