Squat Shots
My friend Paul, over in his blog (see earlier link), was pondering the great hole in the floor debate. (Sorry matey, I haven’t yet had a proper chance to read it so I’m refraining from comment). I think I’ll give the analysis a go…
My relationship with the ‘hole in the floor/squat’ toilet is somewhat young. My previous experience with them (experience here = utter refusal to use it) was encounters with the rural shed type (public) in Uganda. This squat toilet is pure evil. To start with you first have to find this hut, if you can call it that. In the rural parts of Uganda they’re usually located quite a way out… probably to keep the evil spirits born there at bay. Once this randomly located mini farm shed is found, you enter. Immediately you are hit by what can only be described as the Devil’s Eau de Toilette. Pure evil. Inside there are a billion flies, all different shapes and sizes. Obviously there is some kind of unknown fly festival going on in there because they’re all flying frantically, not peacefully sitting on the shed wall. Add to that all sorts of crawling things. And last, but not least, it is fucking dark. Like a horror film dark, enough to make your way around, but not reassuring enough. So, of course, I would run in, struggle to hold my breath for as long as possible, do my business (number 1 by the way) and run out as fast as I could while stumbling and still sorting out my zipper. Great.
Hence only recent I used the hole in the floor properly (if you know what I mean). It had to be, since, the other day, I was kinda desperate I had to fully engage this beast. What I mean to say is that the undertaking was an acute exercise in body balancing. Thankfully, to this date, I’ve yet to fall over, partly because I’ve been lucky enough to find something to hold on to every time. But, surprisingly, I’m beginning to appreciate the hole in the floor more and more. Firstly it’s clean. Secondly, it’s great training for if you ever want to be a champion skier, posture an’ all… Finally those infinitely moaning women can no longer get as us guys for leaving the loo seat up! Fantastic.
Of course not everyone is quite a fan. One American I heard didn’t quite understand the technique. Being as clever as the average American this one didn’t quite understand the inherent hint of the word squat in the name… and so he ended up doing ‘his business’ STANDING UP. His thighs got rather messy.
My relationship with the ‘hole in the floor/squat’ toilet is somewhat young. My previous experience with them (experience here = utter refusal to use it) was encounters with the rural shed type (public) in Uganda. This squat toilet is pure evil. To start with you first have to find this hut, if you can call it that. In the rural parts of Uganda they’re usually located quite a way out… probably to keep the evil spirits born there at bay. Once this randomly located mini farm shed is found, you enter. Immediately you are hit by what can only be described as the Devil’s Eau de Toilette. Pure evil. Inside there are a billion flies, all different shapes and sizes. Obviously there is some kind of unknown fly festival going on in there because they’re all flying frantically, not peacefully sitting on the shed wall. Add to that all sorts of crawling things. And last, but not least, it is fucking dark. Like a horror film dark, enough to make your way around, but not reassuring enough. So, of course, I would run in, struggle to hold my breath for as long as possible, do my business (number 1 by the way) and run out as fast as I could while stumbling and still sorting out my zipper. Great.
Hence only recent I used the hole in the floor properly (if you know what I mean). It had to be, since, the other day, I was kinda desperate I had to fully engage this beast. What I mean to say is that the undertaking was an acute exercise in body balancing. Thankfully, to this date, I’ve yet to fall over, partly because I’ve been lucky enough to find something to hold on to every time. But, surprisingly, I’m beginning to appreciate the hole in the floor more and more. Firstly it’s clean. Secondly, it’s great training for if you ever want to be a champion skier, posture an’ all… Finally those infinitely moaning women can no longer get as us guys for leaving the loo seat up! Fantastic.
Of course not everyone is quite a fan. One American I heard didn’t quite understand the technique. Being as clever as the average American this one didn’t quite understand the inherent hint of the word squat in the name… and so he ended up doing ‘his business’ STANDING UP. His thighs got rather messy.
posted by NS at 5:34 pm
3 Comments:
great to check in suddenly find not one, but 3 new messages! as for the hole in the floor, just make sure you never go in with loose sandals...
Hey, this is a message to both Namir and Paul who have opened up this discussion on the 'hole in the floor'. It has occurred to me that u men have not realised that us women have been squatting for generations, you don't need a hole in the floor 2 discover the squat. Do you think that I sit down on a public toilet only to mistakingly wet my bottom with some stranger's urine? I think not! I've been taught to squat since I was a child, you don't want to get contaminated with another's fluids. In addition, the squat has advantages of toning the gluteus maximus and thigh muscles. So when you see a woman and think "Nice teez" it's probably cause she's been squatting above public toilets for years.
Men have an advantage of their equipment when it comes to using the 'hole in the floor' toilet. They can direct their baby towards the hole, meanwhile us women have a much more difficult time directing to the hole as we have nothing to hold to direct!
Personally, I'll stick with western style toilets and squat right above the hole so as to not touch any part of my body on a wet surface.
Well all this talk of toilets has made me want to bid you farewell. (Call of nature).
love Namir's cousin, Farah, aka Foo
That must have been quite an experience in Uganada..
Glad you're getting used to the toilets there, I find my self struggling to use them as well whenever I go to Syria.
As for that American.. is he from Texas? :P
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