Kebabs save lives!

Kebabs are omnipresent. Walking along at 4am and pissed out of your brain in rural grimsby (or somewhere grim) and there will no doubt be a busy little shop, poorly tiled, shoddily maintained with barely recognisable underpaid and unshaven men scuttling in the background. Yet his shop will no doubt be packed to the brim with customers from all walks of life, from the spotty cap-wearing townie to the middle class entrepreneur of Angel, Islington. Kebabs cross classes.

And at least if you don't happen to be lucky enough to stumble across a shop itself - falling victim to an illusory sighting like an oasis in the desert - then you'll most certainly spot the remains of a partially consumed affair, uneaten or vomited, on the sidewalk.

Yes Kebabs usually make you feel a bit wrong, why they don't even look like meat in the first place. And the man who shaped your Kebab on its silver skewer was probably the man who just walked out of the loo having pissed all over the rim and then proceeded to walk straight past the hand basin.

Yet all that aside I have arrived at the conclusion that, shall we call him, Abdul and friends are lifesavers. Can you imagine how many drunk lads, and nowadays ladies, are sobered up by Abdul's miracle brown lump graciously flanked by several lettuce shreddings, tasteless tomatoes and mystery sauce? Without this sobering delicacy (the kebab) the plebs would continue to roam the streets exceptionally drunk and probably do silly things like drink-drive. Hence Mr Kebab man sobers the drunk man and sends him on his long way home in a much more sober state, thus reducing crime and the odd excess fatality.

So in the festive spirit of appreciating all things dear to us I ask you all to join me in hailing the Kebab man... !



(Letters of appreciation should be sent to Kebab & Friend Chicken magazine published regularly by the National Association of Kebab Shops... prizes for guessing the award doled out for each month's star letter]

Happy Christmas, New Year and Eid el Addha to everyone

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poo!
However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, vodka, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

It is better to drink wine and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit.
Don't believe the rubbish they tell you about having too much to drink.

Happy Christmas, New Year and Eid el Addha to everyone!

Thank G/god(?) for Paxman!

The call him a The Rottweiler for a reason.

Here he is, the man at his very best

A pillar of democracy indeed!

You know you've got Kurdish blood when...

...you have a choice of two tables. One of them has chairs, the other doesn't. You put your stuff down at the table without chairs and proceed to collect the chairs from the other table.

...you go to a cash machine. You request to withdraw money, take your card and then walk away leaving behind your money.

...you've been known to prefer nature to an ordinary western toilet, under certain circumstances.



True Kurdish stories.

An alternative to violent conflict...

This is fantastic, read this Mission Statement from website of Global Orgasm.Org... redefining civil society, no???


"We hope that a huge influx of physical, mental and spiritual energy with conscious peaceful intent will not only show up on Princeton’s REGs (Random Event Generators), but will have profound positive effects that will change the violent state of the human world."

GlobalOrgasm.org Mission Statement:

The mission of the Global Orgasm is to effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy. Now that there are two more US fleets heading for the Persian Gulf with anti- submarine equipment that can only be for use against Iran, the time to change Earth’s energy is NOW! Read more about the fleet buildup here.

The intent is that the participants concentrate any thoughts during and after orgasm on peace. The combination of high- energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers.

The goal is to add so much concentrated and high-energy positive input into the energy field of the Earth that it will reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression and violence throughout the world.

Global Orgasm is an experiment open to everyone in the world.

We hope the results will register on the worldwide monitor system of the Global Consciousness Project.

This is the First Annual Solstice Synchronized Global Orgasm for Peace, leading up to the December Solstice of 2012, when the Mayan Calendar ends with a new beginning.

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Bonk away then!

I will leave form policy to grown ups

Condoms 'too big' for Indian men - true story

Many thanks to Mr F al-Yaf for sending me this.

Could spend hours listing my Indian friends who I would truly like to wish good luck in the future but that would just be a bit too harsh ;)

Black letter box, coming soon to a town near you...

As if Christmas wasn't horrible enough with its seemingly endless consumerism a black postbox comes along and does this.

What is this world coming to!