IRAQI CHAV...destroying a bus stop near you

an inopportune moment to advertise...

2007-09-22T22:25:00.000Z

seen on the on the tube today:

Hope this ad didn't find its way to Wigan!

dangerous brothers or insignificant fools?

2007-08-14T15:54:00.000Z

'A Dispatches reporter attends mosques run by organisations whose public faces are presented as moderate and finds preachers condemning integration into British society, condemning democracy and praising the Taliban for killing British soldiers.'

the documentary

background to the film

Or just more scaremongering on the part of the British media?

cheers

2007-08-01T22:57:00.000Z

no need for me to keep worrying about the effects compulsive beer drinking has on both my belly and my heart then!

Warning to DJs: under no circumstances should you leave your partner acrimoniously

2007-07-30T16:56:00.000Z

Reading my favourite dj forum I stumbled across a post linking to another forum. In that forum a DJ had post a little story. In short, our DJ decided to break up with his girlfriend of three years (also the mother of his child) by telling her that he met someone else (apt). The story continues...

"...anyways the next night i decide to stop by new girls place and kick it once i get off work.. Well she figures shes going to make me jealous by being going to a bar when i was supposed ot be home...and when i wasnt home when she got home..she flipped..and started calling me demanding me to come home..when i said no..she starting texting me some of my LP names..then i asked her what she was doing she called and started breaking htem on the phone..

Here's the scene of the crime:

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned
'The Mourning Bride' (1697) by William Congreve

M&S Organic Cucumber + dog = my despair

2007-07-24T21:28:00.000Z

Ok, so i'm walking the dog. I pass an old middle class lady walking her bichon and her golden retreiver. She's discussing what she feeds them.

'I feed him only the best cucumber you know. Marks and Spencer. Organic you know.'

(I didn't even ask)

'Only the best for him, you know.'

Evidently. A passable state of affairs, possibly, in isolation. But I took a few moments to contemplate (meanwhile my dog is getting annoyed at the fact that I can't do two things at once, hence the ball is not being thrown for her). And I fear that this may be part of a general decline in the sanity of the beings that, unfortunately, populate this earth. Consider the following:

Ariel Sharon is 'a man of peace.'
George Bush is divinely inspired.
Tony Blair is the new Middle East envoy for peace.

And now people are feeding their dogs organic cucumber. Whatever is this damned earth coming to?

Next the anti-smoking Guardianistas will be coming for dogs and cats

2007-07-08T20:28:00.000Z

The British state, nowadays to afraid of sub-state forces that shape societal norms, is increasingly going to greater lengths to adopt the role of family and civil society at once. That or it just wants to reduce perceived burdens on the state coffers without upsetting industries (e.g. alcohol) that regularly fatten those same coffers.

And, of course, bureaucrats have not the foggiest idea how Joe Bloggs goes about relaxing so unsurprisingly we have such a horribly inept (or apt, perhaps?) law that is a numero uno enjoyment-killer. Goodbye Sheesha cafes, weed-filled clubs and the i-don't-smoke-but-i'm-desperate-for-a-fag-with-this-beer cigarette.

Besides, Mr Jenkins puts it much better than I.

Everyone seems to think Africa belongs to them

2007-05-31T20:08:00.000Z

Well said Mr Kington

ps. liberal do-gooders could well slot into that fold too.

ultimate satisfaction

2007-05-02T23:46:00.000Z

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about the most satisfying moments, prompted by her going on about the satisfaction generated from the passing of much needed urine. Graphic thoughts aside, I couldn't come up with a comparable example.

And so I had one today...

no, it’s not explicit.

I bought a Brie baguette from EAT today. It was scrumdidlyumptious. But the best part was to come. Three bites in and I was hit by a Basil leaf. It was absolutely amazing. Not only was I really enjoying this tasty Brie baguette but lo and behold it had Basil in it too! Totally unsuspecting, I was.

And that my dears is my favourite moment: Unsuspectingly finding Basil in an already tasty sandwich.

*EDIT* thank you anna for pointing out my sloppy writing... the above should read: 'the much needed passing of urine' and not 'the passing of much needed urine'

sounds fun either way, though, no?

"DO YOU LOVE ALI?"

2007-03-20T00:26:00.000Z

(NB. My apologies to Andy for this being a somewhat self-indulgent post. I know you don't like those, but bear with me on this one)

Of all the places to have the following conversation the SOAS Library is probably the least likely. 1) you're not supposed to talk, at least not loudly. 2) The 22 tender years have been characterized by a seemingly interminable strife between the half of me that would love to be good and studious and the other that would like to just sit back with a beer in my hand and banter all day long. This conflict naturally pertains to the Library, i'm sure you'll understand.

(Now that the scene has been set)

I was in a conversation with a Shia Indian where, as the conversation progressed, he learned that Iraqi Chav's father is from a part of Iraq near Najaf.

Najaf.

(Just writing that has got the Shia all excited the world over)

Anyway. Mr Shia suddenly develops an eager gaze at me, as if I could be the site of newly discovered gold. And the following leaves his mouth:

"DO YOU LOVE ALI?????"
.
.
.
.
.
Picture this: You're a recently sinned Christian. In fact you've committed adultery. You're confessing to a priest. The priest wants to save your marriage. Picture the ferocity in his words: 'DO YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE?'

Now take that ferocity and superimpose that on Mr Indian Shia's words.

Put yourself in my shoes. Mr Indian Shia is obviously expecting the answer 'YES' so that he can reply with 'elhamdullilah' and marvel at the discovery of a Shia Chav. But Iraqi Chav is essentially an eclectic agnostic existentialist (whatever that means). And despite fearing a possible earthquake-causing backlash from our zealous Shia friend I had to break it to him:

'i'm afraid not.'

In fact Ali means no more to me than Jimmy Saddle.

(Sorry my Shia folk but i'm sure your copious love for him plugs that gap)

A good starting point in explaining religious fundamentalism?

2007-03-02T10:53:00.000Z

The most threatened group in human societies as in animal societies is the unmated male: the unmated male is more likely to wind up in prison or in an asylum or dead than his mated counterpart. He is less likely to be promoted at work and he is considered a poor credit risk.

Germaine Greer

Anything but...

2007-02-28T01:36:00.000Z

An Arab friend of mine was on the phone to his parents the other day. His parents are quite liberal and they have a fairly open relationship. He's been trying to (hitherto successfully) court a pretty young Jewish lady. Despite being Christians their Arab roots predispose them to a variety of prejudices towards whole peoples (Iranians, Shia, Jews, Kurds, Africans... you name it). Thus it's somewhat wise to run a check with the old folk whether they pass the Arab Parent Satisfaction Test (henceforth patented by Iraqi Chav).

So he drops the following question:

'What do you think about me dating a Jewish girl?,' he asks (aptly)

To which his Dad responds...

(...wait for it...)

'So long as she's not Islamic.'

Haha! Genius!

Don't do this in your backyard

2007-02-15T10:08:00.000Z

Skydiver survives 5000 foot free fall (video)

ouch!

Well deserved

2007-02-13T02:46:00.000Z

Despite it being 2:51 am i've dragged myself out of the warm clutches of my quilt in order to face the cold world of the internet. But I tell you, and I tell you this emphatically, it is worth it.

Having been woken roughly ten minutes ago by the family dog Zena (see pic) anxiously whining outside my door I somehow tore myself from the warm nest that is my bed and took her outside. Poor lady, the first thing she did when she got to the garden was let out a god-awful burst of diahorrea of the type that makes you:

(a) ask yourself whether that was really you or a shit-canon posing as your anus
(b) hope to god that nobody intends to use the same toilet for at least two years
(c) feel that death is a lenient punishment for letting something like that out into the wider world.

Well Zena here's a tribute to you for being so kind and considerate to us that you held it in and were determined enough to drag me out of bed to ensure you didn't do it in the house.

Cheers girl!

Full English anyone?

2007-02-10T14:31:00.000Z

Surely taking love for the Full English Breakfast that one step too far.

Alas!

2007-02-07T22:23:00.000Z

...a religious man says something worth hearing.

How sad it is that there aren't many more men like him saying what he says publicly.

Mr Chips strikes again...

2007-02-05T20:08:00.000Z

For those of you in need of a light-hearted moment:

A blast from the past!

Sunni-Shi'a conflict?

2007-02-03T21:01:00.000Z

Amidst the copious media rhetoric surrounding a clash between Sunni orders and an emergent 'Shia arc' it is wise to return to an short yet apt comment on this issue by Fouad Ajami:

'The wellsprings of this impasse are to be found in the more prosaic impasse between order and its radical enemies.'

One can only begin to understand the complexities of the alliances formed in the Middle East once we shed this simplistic framework of modern middle east conflict. Thence the apparently absurd ties formed between radical Sunni (Hamas), authoritarian Allawi (Asad regime) and radical Shi'a (Moqtada Al-Sadr) can be understood as the protagonists are clearly more ideologically flexible than most analysts would give them credit for.

Not another...

2007-01-30T13:39:00.000Z

...Islam Awareness Week!

Surely it's about time Muslims organised a 'let's get in touch with our own religion before preaching' week instread of yet again trying to convert the kuffaar (non-believers) in order to score more browny points with God, otherwise known as hasanaat.

Since most Muslims don't know what the Qur'an itself says, and hearing from others/dad/local imam does not count, it's hardly convincing when they try to sell it to the kuffaar.

Fix up brothers!

What left?

2007-01-28T22:08:00.000Z

The left and dictators... comfortable bed-fellows?

Nick Cohen of The Observer has his say.

hmmm

Democratisation and European illusions

2007-01-24T21:20:00.000Z

Angela Merkel said something that infuriated me the other day.

The BBC World quoted her as saying that the Germany and other western European countries endured a long and arduous struggle to reach the level they are at in terms of democracy and human rights, also referring to Europe's 'culture' of human rights. She referred to something along the lines of 'blips' along the way further contributing to progression along this path.

Something very closely along those lines, anyway.

If these comments aren't downright outrageous in their detachment from history then they are no doubt very problematic.

A few problems:

Illusion 1: Democracy means respect for human rights.

e.g. see foreign policy of US and UK invasion of Iraq, France's support of the genocidal Rwandan regime of 1994, increasingly draconian and anti-democratic anti-terror laws in this country. And hello Ms Merkel, how soon we have forgotten the Nazi genocide! Only 60 years ago, that's nothing when juxtaposed to modern history.

Illusion 2: Democracy is the goal

Rather is one of the means to achieve the ultimate goals of peace, stability and prosperity.

Illusion 3: Democracy within your borders translates to sound foreign policy

See devestation foreign policy of Israel, US and UK amongst others.

Illusion 4: Are our societies democratic anyway?

How can we in the UK call ourselves democratic when political protest is largely neutered, our system is two party and voting for alternatives is discouraged because it is considered 'pointless', corruption investigations are stopped by the PM for obvious reasons and our system so unrepresentative?

Illusion 5: Democracy, once achieved, is permanent.

In fact Democracy is fragile and is constantly challenged by the authoritarian nature of the governing structures, statesmen, bourgeois and religious leaders. In face of a multitude of challenges it need constant protection and regular bolstering.

So shut it Merkel!

Was I a dog in my past life?

2007-01-24T21:15:00.000Z

Thanks to Andy for this one.

Dutch brewery brews beer for dogs.

hmmm, what to think...

Sail to Guantanamo Bay in protest...

2007-01-23T17:56:00.000Z

6,000 sail to Cuba to Close Guantánamo

Just over a week on from the 5th anniversary of the first transfers to the US prison camp at Guantánamo, over 6,000 people from more than 90 countries have set off on a virtual voyage to the US detention centre.

The travellers are taking part in AI’s latest online campaign to persuade the US government to close Guantánamo. The campaign will run until 26 June, International Day for the Protection of Victims of Torture.

Each person who signs up to join the flotilla can design their own outfit, redo their hair and choose from a range of flotation devices from pirate ships and dinghies to dolphins and dragons. People can also choose a message about Guantánamo in a selection of languages. As people progress towards Cuba, they will be invited to sign petitions on behalf of those detained in Guantánamo.

“The protests which took place less than a fortnight ago showed that people across the world want to see Guantánamo closed. We are now taking that struggle from the streets to cyber space,” said Denise Searle, Senior Director of Communications at Amnesty International.

“This campaign is also a response to the US government’s continuous disregard of international outrage at Guantánamo detentions and to AI's numerous unanswered requests to visit the detainees who are held there virtually incommunicado.”

http://www.amnesty.org/guantanamoflotilla

Do it!

Why Iraqis should not do politics

2007-01-13T18:52:00.000Z

A must see video of two Iraqis, one an MP, the other a journalist, on Al-Jazeera about to tear each tear each other to pieces arguing over the memory of Saddam Hussein.

شرّ البلية ما يضحك

My dear people, you're no good at politics!

More from the world of ' You know you've got Kurdish blood when...'

2007-01-12T01:51:00.000Z

...You're speaking to a lady in your class you don't really know that well and you're making pleasant small-talk. You wish to ask her about her Christmas break and whether she enjoyed it or not. The following leaves Kurd's mouth:

How was your period?

Unsurprisingly Kurd gets a look of absolute-horror, y'know the one my fellow mountain people, as if I stole her goat or something.

What Kurd actually meant to say was:

How was your festive period?

Needless to say only Kurd would make a mistake on such a word.

Egyptian torture victim found guilty of 'resisting authorities'!!!

2007-01-11T00:08:00.000Z

Remember this? The video of an Egyptian man being tortured by Egyptian police who also inserted a stick into his anus.

Well he's just been sentenced to three months imprisonment. His crime? 'Resisting authorities.'

Come again???

Yep the Egyptian criminal justice system expects you to lay there, taking beatings and be sodomized.

India's 'Saddam Hussein' village

2007-01-10T00:35:00.000Z

Typical BBC story! So this is where my hard earned tax money is going, to report this...

"God willing one day our village will be full of Saddam Husseins."

'But there is one problem in having so many Saddam Husseins, says villager Mohammed Hassan Abbas. "In the playground we have Saddam Hussein running after Saddam Hussein, behind Saddam Hussein who is ahead of Saddam Hussein but too far from Saddam Hussein... it can all get a little confusing," he said. '

haha

enough with the Saddam stories now!

I feel good!

2007-01-07T01:13:00.000Z

...because today I strode purposefully into a car show room, chin high, prepared to take no shit (in fact I was prepared to dish it out) and full of cynicism towards slimey car salesmen and a brain packed full of research.

And what did I get?

£1400 off a new car for my dad.

I'll drink to that!

the sorry state of the Arab world

2007-01-06T22:00:00.000Z

the evidence

Saddam’s execution: A pivotal moment or just another day in the bloody history of Iraq?

2007-01-01T12:20:00.000Z

Sunday 30^th December should have been a momentous day. It should have been a day in which Iraqis, together, stood in memory of the almost countless number of victims of one of the most psychopathic and vicious dictators to have lived. It should have been a day in which Iraqis safely went about their daily routine, not having to worry that their sons would have their throat slit just because his name was Ali or Omar. Instead whilst many feel euphoria, albeit passing, at the dispatching of Saddam Iraq remains in a state where the present is all-too consuming for the past to be given the reflection that it deserves.

Amidst this background you'll probably hear Bush & co. claiming this as a victory for justice, the Iraqi people and cut off a lifeline to the 'insurgency'. Theirs opponents will claim that his execution will pour oil of the flames of insurgency and worsen an already ‘apocalyptic’ situation in parts of Iraq. The reality is that both ‘sides’ in Iraq are, as usual, far from the truth.

Bush & co.’s unrelenting desperation in Iraq only drives them to squeeze any news dry of its potential propaganda. Ba’athists were never a major part of the ‘insurgency’ for Iraq’s mushkila kubra/biggest problem is sectarian violence. Perhaps Saddam did have a hand in the violence through covert funding or messages but it is very unlikely that he was the major catalyst, as evidence one needs only to recall the scenes of Saddam being dragged out of his hole upon capture. Rather the murderous ‘insurgency’, shamefully called al-muqawama or ‘resistance’ by some, has proven itself so adept at handling whatever the opposition throws its way.

Conversely the so-called anti-war activists claim his death will cause more violence than his existence and that justice can never be delivered while Iraq remains occupied. Well we all knew Saddam was guilty so his guilty sentence was right, regardless of the tribunal’s fairness or legitimacy. On the subject of legitimacy the US government, anxious to shoot some political hoops on the international level, pressed ahead with one of the freshest experiments in western justice rather than handing him over for execution immediately. Note that this form of justice is packaged solely for 'them' rather than 'us and them'. Ultimately, though, the rough and raw Iraqi way got its way and Saddam had his life squeezed from him at the end of a rope. In response to this the same ‘anti-war’ activists also claim that Saddam’s execution is just another example of (Western) victor’s justice playing itself out in the developing world. To an extent this is true for how can one deny this when instigators of massive violence in the region (from the west and east) sit so far from the dock? Yet who can deny that Saddam’s victims – the majority of Iraqis – aren’t pleased by an execution that’d some had never even dreamed of dreaming? And isn't partial justice better than none at all?

On Iraq's future I try to be optimistic; indeed how could one, living so comfortably in the west, be otherwise when so many Iraqis relive horrors on daily basis, almost a parody of Groundhog day in Hell? Or at least I try to find for shreds of hope amid the rubble. But the reality is that Iraq is showing all the tell-tale signs of a continuing slide towards years of seemingly-endless violence. Its wretched post-invasion existence as a pseudo-state only leaves the country at the mercy of those that have the least interest in its success: the US, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Syria and Jordan to name but a few. Furthermore Iraqi civil society, loaded with years of increasing sectarianism and having lived an unimaginably torturous modern history, is now, unsurprisingly, imploding. Unsurprisingly this implosion is, of course, fuelled by the realist geo-politics of its neighbours.

And it is in deepest of sadness and despair with which I arrived at the conclusion that unless the aforementioned states agree to prioritise Iraqi security above their own cynical interests then Iraq will continue to be their battleground for years to come.

Kebabs save lives!

2006-12-30T16:33:00.000Z

Kebabs are omnipresent. Walking along at 4am and pissed out of your brain in rural grimsby (or somewhere grim) and there will no doubt be a busy little shop, poorly tiled, shoddily maintained with barely recognisable underpaid and unshaven men scuttling in the background. Yet his shop will no doubt be packed to the brim with customers from all walks of life, from the spotty cap-wearing townie to the middle class entrepreneur of Angel, Islington. Kebabs cross classes.

And at least if you don't happen to be lucky enough to stumble across a shop itself - falling victim to an illusory sighting like an oasis in the desert - then you'll most certainly spot the remains of a partially consumed affair, uneaten or vomited, on the sidewalk.

Yes Kebabs usually make you feel a bit wrong, why they don't even look like meat in the first place. And the man who shaped your Kebab on its silver skewer was probably the man who just walked out of the loo having pissed all over the rim and then proceeded to walk straight past the hand basin.

Yet all that aside I have arrived at the conclusion that, shall we call him, Abdul and friends are lifesavers. Can you imagine how many drunk lads, and nowadays ladies, are sobered up by Abdul's miracle brown lump graciously flanked by several lettuce shreddings, tasteless tomatoes and mystery sauce? Without this sobering delicacy (the kebab) the plebs would continue to roam the streets exceptionally drunk and probably do silly things like drink-drive. Hence Mr Kebab man sobers the drunk man and sends him on his long way home in a much more sober state, thus reducing crime and the odd excess fatality.

So in the festive spirit of appreciating all things dear to us I ask you all to join me in hailing the Kebab man... !

(Letters of appreciation should be sent to Kebab & Friend Chicken magazine published regularly by the National Association of Kebab Shops... prizes for guessing the award doled out for each month's star letter]

Happy Christmas, New Year and Eid el Addha to everyone

2006-12-25T14:40:00.000Z

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poo!
However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, vodka, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

It is better to drink wine and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit.
Don't believe the rubbish they tell you about having too much to drink.

Happy Christmas, New Year and Eid el Addha to everyone!

Thank G/god(?) for Paxman!

2006-12-25T01:19:00.000Z

The call him a The Rottweiler for a reason.

Here he is, the man at his very best

A pillar of democracy indeed!

You know you've got Kurdish blood when...

2006-12-25T01:00:00.000Z

...you have a choice of two tables. One of them has chairs, the other doesn't. You put your stuff down at the table without chairs and proceed to collect the chairs from the other table.

...you go to a cash machine. You request to withdraw money, take your card and then walk away leaving behind your money.

...you've been known to prefer nature to an ordinary western toilet, under certain circumstances.

True Kurdish stories.

An alternative to violent conflict...

2006-12-13T10:54:00.000Z

This is fantastic, read this Mission Statement from website of Global Orgasm.Org... redefining civil society, no???

"We hope that a huge influx of physical, mental and spiritual energy with conscious peaceful intent will not only show up on Princeton’s REGs (Random Event Generators), but will have profound positive effects that will change the violent state of the human world."

GlobalOrgasm.org Mission Statement:

The mission of the Global Orgasm is to effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy. Now that there are two more US fleets heading for the Persian Gulf with anti- submarine equipment that can only be for use against Iran, the time to change Earth’s energy is NOW! Read more about the fleet buildup here.

The intent is that the participants concentrate any thoughts during and after orgasm on peace. The combination of high- energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers.

The goal is to add so much concentrated and high-energy positive input into the energy field of the Earth that it will reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression and violence throughout the world.

Global Orgasm is an experiment open to everyone in the world.

We hope the results will register on the worldwide monitor system of the Global Consciousness Project.

This is the First Annual Solstice Synchronized Global Orgasm for Peace, leading up to the December Solstice of 2012, when the Mayan Calendar ends with a new beginning.

---------------

Bonk away then!

I will leave form policy to grown ups

2006-12-09T15:12:00.000Z

Condoms 'too big' for Indian men - true story

2006-12-09T15:04:00.000Z

Many thanks to Mr F al-Yaf for sending me this.

Could spend hours listing my Indian friends who I would truly like to wish good luck in the future but that would just be a bit too harsh ;)

Black letter box, coming soon to a town near you...

2006-12-09T15:00:00.000Z

As if Christmas wasn't horrible enough with its seemingly endless consumerism a black postbox comes along and does this.

What is this world coming to!

how to know you're dreaming?

2006-11-19T01:21:00.000Z

From my favourite forum [from drum&bass lovers before you get disappointed]:

how to know you're dreaming?

i've asked someone to pinch me
but i thought i did feel the pain
so i assumed this was reality
until i finally woke up - again

Including such replies as:

- I know it's a dream when I ask her out and she says "yes."

- waking up is often a giveaway fuck sake

-I had a dream last night that my hair turned ginger, i was devastated in the dream. True story

Read and enjoy!

(also somewhat freaky... does that kind of lucid dream happen to you?)

Egyptian Police brutality video - NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED

2006-11-11T12:02:00.000Z

For those of you interested in learning/confirming just how vicious Egyptian security services are then take a look at this.

NB - You have been forewarned. This video is only for those who can stomach absolute brutality or have an insatiable curiosity to find out one of the many repulsive things that go on in Egyptian jails.

Here it is.

Feel like substantiating those claims? Check this.

Bush on global warming...

2006-07-29T16:17:00.000Z

very funny

Lebanon burning: where have all the moderates gone?

2006-07-27T21:00:00.000Z

These days are not only ugly, they're frustrating. Nowadays everyone seems to have picked one side or another. BBC, Al-Jazeera and Al-Arabiyya are packed out with people either blindly towing Israels line or suddenly finding themselves in bed with Hizbullah. And with all this they forget what is most important; the humanitarian suffering in Lebanon brought on by a massive over-reaction and brutal and indiscriminate war on Lebanon. Don't get me wrong, Israel reserves the right to find Hizbollah combatants and Hizbollah likewise but that is not happening here. Both sides are deliberately targetting civilians and if that wasn't enough to satisfy the Israeli appetite for humiliating everyone the go and hit the UN peace-force base in Lebanon 21 times until they kill 4.

And what has come over mass media?! Why have Israeli soldiers suddenly become part of the number of Israelis killed? And why should Hizbollah dead find their way into the sanctity that the geneva conventions bestow upon non-combatants? There is a reason why both international law and humanity distinguishes between combatant and civilian and blurring the lines between the two is a very dangerous game that hitherto has only served Israeli propaganda (with more than 1/2 the total number of Israeli dead being combatants).

And how have so many people suddenly become such humanitarians overnight? Where are you guys when UNICEF only recently published a report claiming that approx 1,200 lives are lost daily due to famine, war and disease in the Democratic Republic of Congo? We know that has been going on for a long time now since Dec 2004 produced a similar figure of 1,000 per day by the International Rescue Committee. So who really cares?

And who goes and hijacks a good cause as usual? The Stop the War Coalition. Eager to impose her trotskyism on all those opposed to suffering once again this coalition of barmy Muslims and barmy Trotskyists are preparing a protest against the goings on in Lebanon under their banner.

That doesn't leave us moderates with very much room. We can of course continue contributing to the good likes of the Red Cross and Human Rights Watch (who uncovered Israel's use of cluster bombs) and get writing to your MP!

I know why

2006-07-22T17:59:00.000Z

Paul posts a strip of questions Muslims are always asking and answers them well...

Well I too have wondered why my friends and I've some answers for you my fellow Muslim brothers.

Q1: re the beard:
Nobody calls a Muslim who grows his beard an extremist or a terrorist, except maybe the BNP. But surely nobody can deny that orthodox Jews and Muslims are surely the scariest looking folk around?

Q2: re those devout ladies in the convent
There is nothing inaccurate about describing Muslim and Arab societies as oppressive and restrictive. And the woman, more often than not bears the brunt of it. From what I know most Nun's voluntarily 'nunnify'. Since when did the millions of Muslim women trapped under Burqa have the right to fling it off? There's a big difference here. Religion is about belief, not about imposition.

Q3: re women in work
Let's face it guys, there are way more women that work in western societies than in Muslim socities. The question, again, is one of freedom of choice and conditions imposed by the male.

Q4: re women and university
France, and Turkey (not a 'western' country) are the only two countries that anger Muslim opinion by blocking Muslim womens right to cover their head/wear religious dress. Well firstly, chums, not all Muslim women cover their hair and their are more than enough Muslim women that claim that this is not required of them religiously. Secondly, as loathable as the french move was, this is hardly a blanket ban from the west, it's only happened in two western countries.

Q5: re religious dedication
Yet again, the majority of people do not criticise Muslim people for being religious. But they have more than the right to if they're nuts which most religious people are.

Q6: re protecting a life
Funny that, i've never heard anyone call a Palestinian that protects life a terrorist. But a Palestinian that deliberately targets civilians is a terrorist! Simple really.

Q7: re questioning the Quran
The realities are that mass media are often too scared to question the Quran because most Muslims are so obsessed by its divinity that they don't even let Muslims question it.

'WHY????'
Well you don't really know do you!!!

Now let me ask YOU a few questions:

Why are you so obsessed and racist towards Jews that you point towards them any time injustice is being done to you? Why are you so obsessed about Jewish cabals and Master Plans?
Why aren't people allowed to criticise Muslim practices?
Why have far more Muslims been killed by Muslims than by Israel?
Why are you always trying to convert others to your religion when in fact you're supposed to consider Jews and Christians people of the book?

I tell you why guys, because so many of you are blinded by your hatred of America and obsessed by Jewish conspiracies!

That's why.

The problem with Syrian men…

2006-03-11T10:11:00.000Z

This is a rant. Beware, this is a rant! If somewhat tempered…

Ok, so I’ve warned you. But in reality I’ve been meaning to write this for a long time now, pretty much since Sept last year. Please note though that I’m only really talking about the capital Damascus. I suspect, although don’t know, it’s worse in certain areas of Syria. That was certainly the case in Aleppo anyway, where, surprisingly, men are even more desperate there.

So what’s my problem this time? You’re asking. Well it is to do with the public behaviour and attitude of a lot of Syrian men towards foreign women, liberally dressed Syrians (meaning no hijab) and over-liberally dressed Syrian women (of which there are very few and can only be found in the Christian quarter of Damascus.) – And all others within that specified range.

Having witnessed their attitude to the above mentioned ladies on a continuing basis, I’m very disenchanted, yet simultaneously sympathetic towards the victims. The behaviour ranges from (in order of frequency, firstly the most frequent) horrible perving stares, poorly executed sexual noises (these can be quite funny at times), sex related comments, purposely bumping into, coming close to and finally groping women. Thankfully the last on that list is the least frequent.

In a supposedly ‘religious’ country, where Islam is mentioned more often than not, this is completely hypocritical behaviour.

The degree to which a woman has to plan here public behaviour is a sad reflection of the extent of the problem. Keep your head down. Don’t make eye contact with Syrian men (unless you want to immediately jump in bed with them, which is what they’ll think) and don’t respond to the aforementioned behaviour; because it only results in ridicule.

Even my own attempts to aggressively (not violently, I’m not goin to a Syrian jail for nuthin’, no siree!) deal with such culprits is pointless; likewise you face only ridicule or incredulity from the person in question.

But for the sake of the many deserved good Syrian men, I’m going to try and put this in a little bit of context. Firstly, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting many outstanding guys here, which would never do the above. Unfortunately for a foreign woman here it is very difficult to make friendships with Syrian guys, so the frequent and resounding experience of most foreign women tends to be rather depressing. Furthermore, the treatment of women in countries such as Egypt and Kuwait is reportedly worse and in some cases, like the latter, far worse. So it seems to me that the more conservative the society, the worse she gets treated on the street.

Interesting contradiction eh?

Ba'athis set new records

2006-03-04T23:21:00.000Z

Syria closes EU-funded Human Rights Centre

Barely 11 days since it opens and it gets shut down, that must be a new record even by Syrian Ba'athi standards!

Where's Aysar???

2006-02-28T20:58:00.000Z

Where's Aysar? - If you're reading this my lovely Yasser Arafat lookalike - get in touch with me!

Now apart from that several things are going on in this world. Iraq continues to teeter on the edge of civil war. Which is really sad because these people have suffered so much for 30 years now. The Guardian reports that as many as 1,300 civilians may have died in the violence following the attack on the Shi'a mosque in Samara.

Boy this world is going insane.

On a lighter note, Leilouta has posted a funny set of lookalikes of Middle East dictators. Loved the first one of Nasrallah.

Life in Damascus is just getting better and better. The sun is really getting strong now and living some way up (Muhajireen) the mountain that overlooks (Jebel Qasiyoon for those who know) Damascus we're really getting the cream of the crop of sunny views. Having two balconies makes it even better of course.

At first it's hilarious... then it's just wrong

2006-02-26T18:14:00.000Z

A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.

(BBC News)

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

hahaha

Which leads me to the questions:

- How can you have an erection over a goat?
- Are there no prostitutes in Sudan?
- They're still together, what on earth are they doing?

[Sorry, some of you should already know how barmy I am]

A very sad day for Iraq and human rights

2006-02-23T12:38:00.000Z

Yesterday terrorists attacked and destroyed an important Shia Mosque in Samarra, North of Baghdad. Consistent with the unabating cycle of violence the response was equally appalling. Sunni Mosques were attacked. Around 50 were found dead. In addition the bodies of three Al-Arabiyya news station reporters. Including Atwar Bahjat the excellent female reporter who seemed to embody what a future Iraq deserves to be.

Sadly this metaphor has been turned on its head with ominous signs for the future.

FC Barcelona take Chelsea apart in London

2006-02-23T12:12:00.000Z

Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

Barcelona win 1-2 away to Chelsea in the second round of the Champions League (last 16)

Let me just explain the significance of this game my children. This time last year Barcelona faced Chelsea at exactly the same stage in the champions league. Barcelona were favourites to win the CL and Chelsea second, thus it seemed somewhat a shame that the two would meet so early on in the competition. In the first game, in Barcelona, Barcelona won 2-1. In the return game, Chelsea scored 3 goals in the first 20 mins, for some reason we just collapsed at the beginning of the game. Ronaldinho, being the footballing God that he is, pulled two back with phenomenal goals, some of you might recall. So Barcelona were winning on the away goal. Then, in the dying minutes, Chelsea get a corner. Ricardo Carvalho (how many times has he done this?) holds back our goalie and John Terry scores. Clearly a foul. Thus we would have won that game.

So yesterday, with my heart in my mouth, from the beginning of the game (I even had a dream about it the night before)... Chelsea score first. Absolute fluke. We score an own goal because our pathetic goalkeeper (nobody seems to realise that he needs to go) fails to communicate properly with Motta. Then Barcelona step up the pace and score. Then we absolutely lay seige to their goal with some of the most scintillating attacking display you'll ever see. Finally we get another goal. Justice would have made it 1-3 to us (Barcelona). Probably even more because we were not awarded two deserved penalties. And those that moan about Chelsea being taken down to 10 men should realise that Del Horno's attack on Messi was at least deserved of a yellow, and if you add that to the earlier incident where he stamped on Messi's leg then you'll realise he deserved it! But nevertheless we've one more leg to play against them and we've got a big advantage. Two weeks on tuesday.

If we get through this the Champions League is ours.

Sharia law in Britain? Hell no!

2006-02-20T10:06:00.000Z

I might not be a scholar on this issue on indeed know very much but 40% of UK Muslims wanting Sharia law to be applied to certain communities? Hell no! From what I know about this ghastly set of rules is that subjugation and sexism are widespread, not to mention what seems to me as medieval punishments too.

Of course, as ever, i'm open to be convinced otherwise, so do use that comment section to tell me what i'm missing!

In the mean time, I leave you with an interesting article...

Sharia law? Don't even think about it

Marcel Berlins
Monday February 20, 2006
The Guardian

Forty percent of British Muslims are in favour of applyinhttp://www.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,,1713628,00.htmlg sharia law in "predominantly Muslim" areas of the country, according to an ICM poll in yesterday's Sunday Telegraph. If taken at face value, this is a worrying figure. I do not believe that it should be taken too seriously at this stage, but it is a warning that should not be ignored.

This government has shown itself to be somewhat over-receptive to calls from ethnic and religious minorities to take their customs, traditions and sensitivities into account over a range of activities....... (continued)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,,1713628,00.html

So come and see me then...

2006-02-15T11:52:00.000Z

Flights from London Heathrow to Damascus (return) inc taxes are now only 190 sterling! If you fly before the 28th February... otherwise it's usually cheap at about 280 return. Free accomodation with me of course ;)

SO get your arses in gear and come out and see me..

To get those tickets flights are with Syrian Air and their contact number/details are as follows:

U TRAVEL Ltd. / Ocean Map Ltd.

4th Floor (West)
17-18 Margaret Street
London W1W 8RP

Telephone: +44 (0) 20 7631 3511
Fax: +44 (0) 20 7436 7926

أفكار عن رسم النبي محمد بطريقة مسيئة

2006-02-07T11:05:00.000Z

بصراحة لم أجد آراءً معتدلةً حتى الآن وهذة قد يكون لأن هذه القضية تتعلّق بموضوع مقدّس. و يجب على الأوروبيين الّذين يسمّون أنفسهم باللبرالية أن يعترفوا بعدم مناسبة الرسم الّذي أظهر النبي يلبس عمامة و فيها قنبلة و الّذي اشتهر خلال الأسبوع الماضي.

فعلاًً بوجهة نظريّ لا يوجد هدفٌ واضحٌ ما عدا الاساءة للنبي. فكذلك يجب على اللبراليين ألّا يكرّروا مقولة حرّيّة الصحافة لأنّها ليست تبريراً.

و طبعاً أتمتّع بحرّيّتي الّتي مصدرها سنوات عديدة من الجهاد ضدّ الدموكراتية و لكنّ حدوداً ضروريةً. لا أقصد أنّ القانون يجب أن يمنع أو يحدّد حرّيّة الكلام، بالعكس ضروريّ على المجتمع أن يراقب وسائل الأعلام و يحتجّ في الوقت المناسب.

أمّا إجابة عدد قليلاً من المسلمين خصوصاً الهجوم على السفارات في بيروت و دمشق فبالنسبة لي هو نفاقيّ لأنهم نفس الأشخاص المسلمين الّذين كانوا ساكتين عندما اُرتُكِبَ مجازراً ضدّ مسلمين في العراق و في دارفور في السودان مؤخّراً.

Muslim anger spreads... Danish Embassy in Lebanon destroyed

2006-02-05T21:16:00.000Z

Following yesterdays destruction of the Danish, Norwegian and Chilean embassies in Damascus rioters in Lebanon hit the Danish Embassy in the capital Beirut.

Subsequently, today we've witnessed the resignation of the Lebanese Interior Minister. Doubt that'll be happening in Syria.

In an interesting snippet of an interview with one of the Foreign Ministers... she said the Danish gov't is particularly angry at their Syrian counterparts for the Syrian Police's virtual complicity in the attacks on their Embassy in Damascus. Although newspaper reports claim that Syrian police tried to resist storming of the Danish and Norwegian Embassies it was clear to eyewitness friends of mine (and indeed a friend who was watching from the next building) that the Syrian police were standing idly-by and in some cases participating in the riots.

I'll put a piece on this together sometime soon folks...

Oh my god, the threquel of the best cartoon ever made... released!!!

2006-02-04T22:21:00.000Z

DEFENDER OF THE SUPERMART PART 3

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/supermart3

Ooops, trouble in Syria

2006-02-04T21:44:00.000Z

Ok, so today the Danish and Norwegian embassies were burnt down in succession in central Damascus by an angry Islamic mob around midday today. Pictures here

First impressions to me are obvious. I know i've said this several times but those protesting against the caricatures are big hypocrites, they were nowhere to be found when/and now Muslim 'brothers' are butchered or tortured en masse (take Darfur for example). And responsibility for protecting the embassies in Syria (as elsewhere) rests woth the Syrian authorities... alot of people know that Syrian security services are one of the most efficient in the middle east, thus protecting the embassies is well within their scope (as they did with the US Embassy straight after). I'm saying that they let it happen.

Friends, especially my Danish and Norwegian ones, are particularly upset by this attack. The sentiment here is hostile towards Scandinavians. Good thing is, the average Syrian doesn't really know what a Scandinavian looks like.

(amateur photos to come)

My first impressions are that the Syrian regime should be hit hard by the EU for allowing this to happen... we shall see.

Possibly taking the Islamic dress code a bit too far...

2006-01-30T20:23:00.000Z

Any ideas what these do?!

Spotted them in the old Souk in Muscat, Oman. Couldn't help but find it very funny.

Not your average haircut... In Oman

2006-01-30T20:14:00.000Z

That haircut…

SO I decide to go and get a haircut from my local friendly Indian haircutter in downtown Muscat. I knew haircuts by Indians for Indians are usually cheap and having seen this same barber cut the hair of a local Omani I figured he must have some sort of following. Following schmollowing, how wrong I was.

So I take my place asking for an 8 on top and 3 on back and sides. Pretty simple stuff you see, can’t really go wrong there. Man retorts in broken Engerlish: ‘SOLDJER KUT’(said in deep Indian accent)… erm, that’s not how I like to refer to it sir, but if you insist. Perhaps his vision of an 8-3 wildly differs from mine…

Things aren’t going too bad, I mean how much can you mess up with clippers? Not a lot. But things start getting a bit weird when Mr Barber’s face cleaning brush (y’kno, from all the hair etc) is not some soft-caressing type, but you rough-n’-rugged home DIY brush, with everlasting bristles. Ok, forgiven for this one.

Having cut the hair on my neck, this barber, who seems to love using this diy brush for everything, decides to use his brush on my recently shaved neck! NO SIR! What are you doing using a thick-evil-bristle-brush on my now-baby-soft-recently wounded neck? Idiot me just kept these comments to myself of course. Throughout Mr Barber pulls out his little spray can, usually a little bottle used to wet hair by spray, every few minutes and drenches my face more than my hair, seemingly getting silent pleasure out of it watching me squirm. And just when I think that my head is going to feel the cool breeze of a hair dryer Mr Barber decides to use the best tools available to man, his hands! I tell you guys, I didn’t half enjoy having my head frantically shaken as if to produce the same effect as a hair dryer. With my feathers thoroughly ruffled I, thinking of you, readers, and decide to ask for a shave because, surely, that would spice up an already good blog-post.

Now just a little note… I’m not even sure he would have understood me had I protested at this brutal treatment. This man’s language capacity (compromised already) was clearly spread 50/50 between Arabic and English… but with an already limited capacity split in half, the man was no communication wizard.

And now to the shave. Again this plant-pot sprayer comes out and my face is drenched. Mr Barber starts rubbing water into my facial hair. He spends over 5 mins doing this. What?! How on earth could rubbing water into a face help it pre-shave? So, beginning to panic at this random human-being’s haphazard techniques, I demand he uses shaving foam and a new razor. Fair enough, you would have thought. And what does he use to spread the foam on my face? One of those things you use to spread PolyFilla to seal a wall gap… that’s right, a plastic brush (brush was plastic). My confidence in this man was beginning to get somewhat stretched. Then comes the shave itself… done fairly well I might add (my conclusion, until I notice the wounds)… For the wounds he brings out this strange translucent round shaped thing (remember no glasses worn) and begins to frantically rub it against my face. Surely not the thing to do when I’ve got a now heavily wounded pizza face?! For some reason he picks a spot on my neck and frantically rubs it with his magic stone… this part of my neck is soft and it rubs against my trachea (wind pipe)… so Mr Barber had a good laugh watching me, freshly diced, choking in his chair.

And to round this all off, out comes that bloody plant-spray to drench my face.

So, all this for 1.70 sterling…

No surprise then, you’d probably say.

Worth a long look at...

2006-01-27T16:43:00.000Z

Here's one for those human rights trainspotters out there...

Human Rights Watch World Report 2006

Basically a 532 page report on the human rights record of over 60 countries during 2005.

I haven't waded my way through much of it but you can trust HRW when it comes to that subject, so get reading!

(ok, at least a page?)

Haha...

2006-01-26T12:11:00.000Z

Found while linking to a book in my previous post:

In Praise of Older Women

with some classics that I think you'll love, to include:

'An older woman always carries a purse full of emergency supplies. Young women go hungry and bleed to death every time there's a natural disaster.'

' An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of a herbal tea. '

' An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you. '

What are you reading?

2006-01-26T11:55:00.000Z

Do share...

Last book was the In Praise of Older Women by Stephen Vizincsey... Top book, recommeded for any post-21 year old harking back to the days when they would fantasise about older women. And that's as far as we're going on that topic.

Moved on to Darfur: The Ambigious Genocide by Gerard Prunier, an excellent central and east African scholar who wrote probably the most comprehensive book there is on the Rwandan Genocide. Not typical holiday reading (hey, forgotten that i'm on a year long holiday?!).. The guy doesn't mess about in his scathing criticism of the many deserving factions in Sudanese politics. What surprised me, though, half way into this book is the extent to which Gaddafi contributed to chaos in Sudan and the extent to which this contributed to the present crisis and crimes against humanity being committed there. And Gaddafi, having fuelled civil war in Chad, Sudan and Sierra Leone is now a friend of the US... yet the man should be thrown in front of an international tribunal. Oh Politics!

So, days 2 and 3 in Oman...

2006-01-26T10:48:00.000Z

Day 2:

Went to a Nizwa village about 2 hours outside the capital Muscat. I'm convinced that the nice friendly Omani coach driver always hits themselves up with Amphetamines before that long drive, explaining why we seem to zoom round corners at 100mph. Doesn't help digestion or sleep but you sure know that your friendly white robed boy is trying his best to get to the destination on time. How thoughtful.

So arrive in Nizwa at midday. Start searching for a taxi to take me about 50km out to an impressive rural 17th C. Portuguese-built fort called Fort Jibreen. Now for all you Arabic speakers I just thought i'd point out that Omanis pronounce their Arabic 'Jeem' like the Egyptians (with a 'ga')... yet they use some common Iraqi words like 'zein' etc... which makes for a nice cocktail. Fort was incredibly impressive sand-washed and housing over 30 rooms with splendid views of the Omani mountain ranges (Omani is very mountainous btw). Next over to semi-inhabited mud-hut (hence semi) village. People lived in these things?! (I guess they did.)

Then back to Nizwa where I went shopping for a DishDasha. Which is those long robes typically worn by Gulf Arabs... I got myself a classy all-white one and a traditional Omani hat. Fancy dress parties here I come!

Something noted about Oman food here. It's heavily influenced by South-East Asian cooking... they boys scoff alot of Biryani and their commonly ate meat includes Mutton and Camel Meat. Not a big fan of Mutton though, the chew factor is just too much for me.

Day 3:

Cant seem to get to sleep in this bloody hotel. It's name 'raha' is supposed to mean 'break' but what i've got here is far from it. I wasn't told that as part of the package: clubs nights both upstairs and downstairs. Wearing ear plugs now during sleep, only my ears feel alot bigger when I sleep now why is disorientating!

Went to a fantastic old Souq (market) in Muscat today. Smells of spices and all kinds of scents ranging from Frankincense to Amber were wafting through the Souq. Occasional harrassment by shop keepers to get in their store but thankfully I had my heavenly possession of Shure E2c ear phones which blocks most outside noise and produces sound like professional earplugs. That'd set you back about 50 smackers but it's well worth it, particularly on the tube... letting you drift into your own world. And indeed I did just that, sitting on the Muscat corniche, fat Cuban cigar in my right hand (a habit alot of my friends are hating) and a book about genocide in the other (strange habits indeed).

Finished my journey with a trip to the critically acclaimed Al-Bustan Palace (Hotel). It's not just conveniently named a Palace, it actually is. Take a look at these amazing photos

Bye bye Oman tomorrow morning!

Touchdown!.... in Oman

2006-01-24T19:24:00.000Z

{PHOTO: Burj Al-Arab Hotel in Dubai, UAE}

On my way back to Syria my flight included a stay-over in the Emirates, so I thought why not extend the stay and get to see Oman for a few days?

I'm not keen about the Arabian Peninsula at all. My previous visits to Dubai and Abu Dhabi hardly left me with a sense of love for the place; in fact, I pretty much hated those places. Dubai has nothing but bling shopping malls, nationals that think of themselves as God and a development rate that could only have been achieved with modern slavery.. The jury is still out as to whether Indians even benefit in the long term from working in the UAE.. one things for sure though, everybody non-Indian develops a subtle racism towards them.

So why come to its neighbour, Oman, then? Well from my first study year at Leeds the Omanis I have met to date have all been polite, modest and very keen about their country. Those same Omanis that I got to know held a Omani awareness day (or week? I may well be in a time warp) which really did stress the Omani keeness for sustainable development and the environment. Impressive, in stark contrast to the mentality of the neighbouring governments towards the environment. So all this motivated me to get on a 5 hour coach ride from Dubai to Muscat (Omani capital).

So here I am a few hours later.. The coach ride was a bit menacing, the driver didn't understand the concept speed safety and we took some crazy turns that even mr Schumacher would've been proud of. Stupidly I decided to start taking photos of the border post Oman (although clearly told to do otherwise by very obvious signs)... Border guard shouts at me and tells me to come over to him (oh no, I think, barely 5 mins into Omani soil and i've provoked the wrath of the Omani army, way to go Namir).. So i'm incredibly apologetic (hoping he doesn't take me in for questioning) and get let off rather lightly. Of course anywhere else in the Arab world and I could've got in a lot more trouble. So I arrive in the afternoon and, unfortunately, being my own Time Sponge, I intended to sleep for a couple of hours. Instead I slept for SIX and ruined the rest of my day... Those of you that know me know that is just standard procedure, unfortunately.

So i've got full days to tour the capital and get out to one of the nearby villages and explore the environment...

For those anxious to see photos of this beautiful place all I can offer right now is this, enjoy.

BLOG ON HOLD!... for now -'til after xmas

2005-11-20T20:13:00.000Z

Sorry to all my millions of fans but this blog, as you'd have guessed, is on hold until I can get my hands on a Laptop (Xmas time folks)... waaay too erratic relying on net cafes with poor connections or poor photo editing etc to run a super successful blog as intended, hehe.

Until After Xmas 2005, see you then folks...

Back from Beirut... (BLOG ON HOLD UNTIL AFTER XMAS)

2005-11-20T19:50:00.000Z

Righty...

Nearly two months later i've finally managed to find that head that is so easily falling off my shoulders now adays..

Soooo just back from a 2 day break at the 'Root' (Beirut for those unlucky enough not to know)... 2nd visit there and it's really beautiful. Got there in the 'noon last saturday and checked into the most god-awful hostel (what do you expect when you're only paying $5 a day!).. but it's round the corner from MCDONALDS, u see. Well I'd never of thought that i'd crave McDonalds but maybe there's some truth my craving for a MCFREEDOM burger.... or maybe not.

Watched Real Madrid VS Barcelona in the evening, the biggest match in Derby football. YES IT IS, before you say something stupid like 'oh no it's Celtic - Rangers'. Met a long time internet buddy (6 years!) for the game; who embarrassed me by reminding me of how i used to write long footballing rants as only a 15 year old would do at the time. hmmmmm. Celebrated our huge crushing defeat of Real sucking Madrid AT THEIR HOME GROUND by sitting along the Corniche by night, listening to the waves crash while toking on a sweet spliff (it's been months, and no it wasn't mine!).

Back to University 2moro... Finished levels 4 and 5 now and only have 3 more to go! Finally managed to convince that silly arabic department at Leeds university is waaaaay better than what they're studying at Fez, hence they should accept this as a year abroad - which they did.

An insight into the machinations of the world's biggest pea brain

2005-10-08T16:27:00.000Z

http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,,1586883,00.html

One of the delegates, Nabil Shaath, who was Palestinian foreign minister at the time, said: "President Bush said to all of us: 'I am driven with a mission from God'. God would tell me, 'George go and fight these terrorists in Afghanistan'. And I did. And then God would tell me 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq'. And I did."

Mr Bush went on: "And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, 'Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East'. And, by God, I'm gonna do it."

----------------

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

I've heard this somewhere before. Isn't this the excuse that axe murderers use when they've just committed a heinous act? "God told me to do it!"... Yeah right, like God talks to nutters like you... if he did he'd probably tell you to do the gardening or pick up the kids.

Not nice.

my crappiness...

2005-09-23T17:49:00.000Z

Blog has been seriously neglected over the past few weeks because:

- I recently started university and it's seriously tiring my brain out... blogging is hard with tired brain...
- Siestas are dominating my life at the moment
- I've just realised that in my courtyard there is the stupidest sofa... but once you sit on it it is almost guaranteed to suck 6 hours out of you.. we call it the Time Sponge.

But have no fears children, i'm slowly getting used to the serious(!!!) life.

Squat Shots

2005-09-23T17:34:00.000Z

My friend Paul, over in his blog (see earlier link), was pondering the great hole in the floor debate. (Sorry matey, I haven’t yet had a proper chance to read it so I’m refraining from comment). I think I’ll give the analysis a go…

My relationship with the ‘hole in the floor/squat’ toilet is somewhat young. My previous experience with them (experience here = utter refusal to use it) was encounters with the rural shed type (public) in Uganda. This squat toilet is pure evil. To start with you first have to find this hut, if you can call it that. In the rural parts of Uganda they’re usually located quite a way out… probably to keep the evil spirits born there at bay. Once this randomly located mini farm shed is found, you enter. Immediately you are hit by what can only be described as the Devil’s Eau de Toilette. Pure evil. Inside there are a billion flies, all different shapes and sizes. Obviously there is some kind of unknown fly festival going on in there because they’re all flying frantically, not peacefully sitting on the shed wall. Add to that all sorts of crawling things. And last, but not least, it is fucking dark. Like a horror film dark, enough to make your way around, but not reassuring enough. So, of course, I would run in, struggle to hold my breath for as long as possible, do my business (number 1 by the way) and run out as fast as I could while stumbling and still sorting out my zipper. Great.

Hence only recent I used the hole in the floor properly (if you know what I mean). It had to be, since, the other day, I was kinda desperate I had to fully engage this beast. What I mean to say is that the undertaking was an acute exercise in body balancing. Thankfully, to this date, I’ve yet to fall over, partly because I’ve been lucky enough to find something to hold on to every time. But, surprisingly, I’m beginning to appreciate the hole in the floor more and more. Firstly it’s clean. Secondly, it’s great training for if you ever want to be a champion skier, posture an’ all… Finally those infinitely moaning women can no longer get as us guys for leaving the loo seat up! Fantastic.

Of course not everyone is quite a fan. One American I heard didn’t quite understand the technique. Being as clever as the average American this one didn’t quite understand the inherent hint of the word squat in the name… and so he ended up doing ‘his business’ STANDING UP. His thighs got rather messy.

I'm fine... thank you.

2005-09-23T17:33:00.000Z

Sometimes I wish I could teleport a lot of the people I know to Syria. Before departure I was offered advice of all sorts, ranging from pure terror (“you’ll get blown up”) to extreme over-cautiousness (“colour code your letters so that we know if you’re in trouble”).

Now, lookey here guys. I appreciate your concern… really it was touching. But come on now, what the hell kind of rural backwater do you think I’ve come to? Damascus is not some kind of recently pitched tent festival; it is the oldest continually inhabited city. And the last terrorist attack in the country was 1996, a record quite obviously better than the UK.

I kind of understand the reasons for such negative stereotypes and misinformation about Syria. After all it is in the Middle East; an area that usually conjures up a whole range of prejoratives. And when it is in the news it is usually to do with the (former) occupation of Lebanon, standoff with Israel (a large territory of Syria continues to be occupied by the Israelis), Weapons of Mass Destruction (hah, remember that famous lie?) and the recent murder of Rafik Hariri. Of course let’s not beat around the bush here, it seems that, if the Melis report of Hariri’s murder is as expected, Syria has scored one of the hugest own goals in international terrorism; but innocent until proven guilty remember. Now, I know that no news is good news but the general picture of Syria being some backward violent country completely out of touch and easily generalized is a cruel simplification.

Let us start with a few realities. I’m not well read of Syrian history so I’m very open to correction. Firstly, yes, Syria is a dictatorship. No doubts there. But the most brutal part of reign is long gone now, the incumbent Bashar Al-Assad’s father Hafez passed away in 2000. Hafez had some serious flaws, including brutal suppression of an Islamist uprising in Hama in the early Eighties, killing over 20,000. Today it seems to me that the incumbent, Bashar, is a genuine reformer that wants to gradually strengthen the economy in preparation for a very eventual end to oil revenue. But, not surprisingly Bashar is up against a legacy of corruption and a rigid inner circle that is unwilling to concede to reforms that would expose the upper echelons. So reform is going to be s…l…o…w. Too slow, some say. But then if adopting shitty IMF adjustments in modernizing then why even bother modernizing!

So I’ve made a very brief foray into the very complex nature of Syrian politics just to give you an idea that Syria is not going to remain an interminable dictatorship.

As for the general personal security of Westerners, I couldn’t think of a safer country. Strolling down the maze of the old city streets at 3am in the morning is like that Volvo feeling. In the UK you’d have to take nervous glances to the other side of the street every five minutes because some maniac is either shouting abuse at you or wanting your handbag (wallet in my case.. Thank u!). So guys, much as I appreciate your concerns, it is kinda misplaced, I’m probably much safer than you!

Living in the Old City...

2005-09-07T12:29:00.000Z

A week ago today I moved to the 'Christian Quarter' in the Old City in the eastern part of Damascus. Upstairs the family live with three other students... downstairs we have about 6-8 students, all of whom are studying Arabic. Most of them at the moment are Norwegian, a German, a Turkish girl and two Brits; this is always changing of course. The rooms are fairly spartan but it's all pretty clean and although the toilet ratio isn't one to shout about, the atmosphere and the nice courtyard make (and all for only 65 a month!) this place a great one to live.

The house itself lies peripheral to the complex maze of narrow alleys that make up the old city. When you walk along these narrow paved roads you feel like you're in a time warp; the small shops, old architecture and the handicrafts that line these streets make this an alomst timeless place. But this doesn't mean that Syrians haven't kept up with the rest of the world... look carefully and you'll find even satellite internet cafes.

One of the best things about being here is the personal security and safety. With such a omnipresent security service you can walk the streets at 3am with next to no fear of and physical harm. But of course all this changes. With another recent influx of refugees from Iraq, i've heard a few complaints by Syrians that crime is increasing (some say that this is because of the influx of poor Iraqis. But it is still at an unbelievable low.

Pictures to come...

Defender of the supermart...

2005-09-07T12:12:00.000Z

Those of you who know my love of all things random and share that love will enjoy this exceptionally random sequel to Defender of the Supermart...

I stumbled across this while looking for episode 1 for my swiss friend here in Damascus. When I showed him it he was seriously shitting himself with laughter in the middle of an Arab internet cafe, wish i'd recorded his response to that..
Here is the link: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/supermart2

NB - you must first watch the Defender of the Supermart if you haven't already seen it http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/supermart

hahahahaahah

pure randomness... 'you appear to have a bratwurst in your eye' LOL

ahhhhh, thank God for the Internet

a student at the University of Damascus says...

2005-08-30T10:53:00.000Z

registered at the University of Damascus today.. :D

Lessons start on September 12th...

Got a level assessment in 6 days time - gotta fix up and start learning again!

That towel story...

2005-08-30T09:50:00.000Z

Ok - so let me give you a little backgrounder to this story.

There is a significant gap between spoken Arabic (3aamiyya) and Classical Arabic (Fus7a). In some countries e.g. Algeria, Morocco etc the gap is so significant that by most standards it's another language. The countries whose language most resemble Classical Arabic is that of the Gulf states. What this means is that, although most Arabs understand Classical Arabic often words unique to the area are used instead. For example:

- the Classical Arabic for Towel (as in drying yourself after a shower towel) is Fouta.
- in Syria they have two words for towel. Beshkiir and Menshef el-Hamaam. Fouta, when used, still means towel - but a particular type of towel, as we shall see...
- whereas in Iraq they use the word Khaawli.

(NB - I know my posts are being scanned by arabic nerds - pick at my mistakes all you want you bastarfs cos I'm in Syria and you're not! haha!)

Since I left my packing (for a year!) 'til the 5 hours before I was supposed to be at the airport it comes as no surprise that I ended up taking a load of random things which have no use anywhere - hence I forgot such a useful basic like TOWELS :-S

Great - 2 days into my new life i'm getting very sticky and very desperate. So I begin a frantic search for towel. Not knowing the differences (above) I start asking randoms: where can I buy a 'Fouta'? In return I get looks ranging from bemused to minor shock. So I start wondering: what exactly do these people dry themselves with?! I mean, it is damn HOT here but you can't leave yourself hung out to dry (crown jewels flapping with the wind).

Finally I get myself my towels (from the wonderful el-Souk el-Hamdiyya, I might add) after explanation from my friend that Syrians don't use the word Fouta... it has a particular meaning here.

And then it hit me, the bemused looks, evil eyes, shuffles of consternation; what on earth had I done to deserve them?! I knew now...

All along I'd been trekking round Damascus centre asking for sanitary towels

:-S

A post just for Georgia...

2005-08-30T09:37:00.000Z

Georgia, my dear friends, is my one friend that probably keeps an archive of every slip up i've during year 1 @ Leeds uni - and believe me those were plentiful.

In fact i'm convinced she probably has a satellite system just waiting to catch me and I can just picture her wringing her hands with glee every time I say woman instead of women (or is it the other way round G?)... Anyway, before she rants on about the 'woman/en slip ups, let me just remind you G that this mistake is common amongst Ayrabs (well at least my parents in particular) and i've inherited it somehow - so I cannot help it! (the last sentence could very well be a shoddy lie to explain my crappiness.)

Getting to my point, I'm so bloody glad you aren't with me in Damascus girl! You'd feast on the slip ups i've made here. They range from writing a telephone number the wrong way round to asking for sanitary towels instead of bath towels in a store (in Arabic of course - more on this above haha)... And you need look no further than this blog for mistakes all over the place - sorry guys but for some reason on every Damascene key board there is a sticky key and it is usually a vowel... since the monitors here are usually cack I cannot be bothered to check the post again; Hence my blogs are littered with mistakes.

Colours of grass and harsh realities...

2005-08-28T13:16:00.000Z

My friend Firaas works with his brother, Khaldoon, in the juice shop close to where I live. He's always talking as if the grass is greener on the other side. Especially when it comes to discussing life in Britain. Indeed the extent of the brainwashing was revealed when I was asked to compare life in Britain and Damascus. Bit of a tough order that, being as it's so early on in the game but I gave it my best shot. I said that there is much less personal security in the west, people are alot colder, cuisine isn't good comparatively and the weather is cack! At which point he said that British women are more beautiful than Damascene women. NO DUDE NO! I told him that i'm more attracted to a horse's arse then most English women (I said this in Arabic yay!)... Ok that was very harsh and not true but I had to make an extreme statement b'cos the idea that he got from American films was that the west was full of beautiful specimens. Correction dude, the US is full of obese people! Anyway it's all a matter of opinion... somebody's gotta love those michelin men ;)

Anyway I had to really emphasise the distinction between people of the UK and US. a) we're much cleverer people even though we elected Tony Blair b) we don't think of Ayrabs are terrorists, although sadly some do. The US on the otherhand has this awful monolithic view c) I'm struggling here cos i'm hot and sweaty, somebody help me out! .... Anyway, you get my drift.

Sadly this desire to go and live in Britain was not an isolated expression. It seems to be epidemic here in Damascus. I think this is to do with two things. Firstly many misconceptions about life in Britain. Yes we get payed more but life is also alot more expensive, and somehow we've been brainwashed to insuring everything apart from our toenails (coming soon to an insurance broker near you!). Secondly life here (damascus) is very difficult. It is a miracle somethings work here, for example transport. It is surely a work of God (as claimed one of my Damascene friends) that there aren't a zillion accidents a day.

I think alot of these stereotypes would be knocked down by a visit to the aforementioned countries. But sadly for many Syrians just travelling within Syria burns a huge hole in their pocket. This harsh reality hit me particularly when i asked my friend if he'd like to come with me to Egypt in the latter part of the study year; to which he replied: "My friend, we in Syria dream of leaving these borders and seeing other countries. It is just too expensive." It turned Firas and his brother Khaldoon work for $3 a day for 8 hours. And yet they always insist on paying for everything... I try my best to make the opposite happen of course but these Arabs are well practiced at making you feel like their guest - where in Britain do you find this hospitality?!

I hope I remember those words everytime I cross a border in the coming year. Just remember how lucky we are guys! Think about Firaas.

Damascene diahorrea, missed opportunities and triangular lifts...

2005-08-26T16:31:00.000Z

So today I should have been paying a visit to the ancient Meditteranean coastal town of Tartous, followed by a trip to Homs... but oh no, the most evil diahorrea strikes... this is the kind of illness your mother warns you against when she doesn't want you to play footie near her well kept flowers - things that are so inconcievably evil it's just inconcievable that it'll ever happen during your earthly stay...

Anyway, the other day I came across a triangular lift that fit.. Man, my first viewing of something random and Aysar wasn't with me - what a sad moment.. Anyway the lift didn't even have doors, just to massive gaps in it for entry and exit - haha, how reassuring.

My friend Paul just started his blog. A student with me at Uni he's about to go to Morocco for a year and always has something interesting to say. Check it out at: http://www.zalamehmumtaz.blogspot.com

Bastarfs

2005-08-24T11:20:00.000Z

Not sure when i'm going to have the time next to use the net so i'm boring you while i've go the opportunity.

Here is a rant about the British Embassy...

BASTARFS!

Charging me 50 squid just to give me a letter to my prospective university saying that they have no qualms with me studying Arabic there... how difficult is that??? Hey, mr embassy man, if you're listening I PAY TAXES y'know!

Anyways I managed to visit the university... not surprisingly the lady at the front desk was pretty (how many times have I thought that to myself here?) and I managed to get myself a letter exempting me from the AIDS test... No, before you start laughing that they had reason to do this: it's compulsory for all students! So I had that test at a very run down hospital.. It was quite interesting to see that the other foreign students were from Burkina Faso, Kenya and India; their Arabic was quite impressive.

yknow strangely enough I've only seen one dog so far which I think was a chihauhua - those things are a waste of space (i've seen more use out of a spoon on legs)...

[spoon menace lol]

2night I plan to go to the top of Qasiyoun hill (what's the diff between a hill and a mountain? :S) which overlooks Damascus.. apparently it's a beautiful view and the cafes there are very popular..

Just a few things...

2005-08-23T14:41:00.000Z

Weather is hovering around the 40c mark!!!

Women here are beautiful!!

Took loadsa nice photos but this memory card reader properly shagged 'em. Besides, for some strange reason I can't upload photos to this blog @ the mo.

I'm in some serious need of some throat lozenges - AirCon has shagged by throat!

I always look forward to meal time here! :D

Greetings from Damascus!

2005-08-23T12:20:00.000Z

Finally i'm here! After 21 years I return to my roots (my grandmother was Syrian) - what a fantastic feeling.

These past few days have pretty much been straight forward (thankfully)... Passport control managed to coax a bribe out of me but that was to be expected. Syrian Arab Airlines are hilarious - sooo relaxed and all of their staff seem like they've just been smoking pot in the back. Luckily I met to wonderful kids on my flight called Hani and Ahmed (14 & 13 I think).. they were helping me with my Arabic and we spent most of the flight joking around.. I was really impressed at how sharp Arab children are compared to those in Britain.. They were even giving me very good advice about how to handle and talk around the security services. Impressive.

I'm staying in pretty much bang in central Damascus... For one reason or another my big arse is occupying a 3 bedroom apartment. This is only a temporary arrangement of course because pretty soon my money belt will start slapping me if I keep this up.. I should be moving to the Christian quarter on the last day of this month... there is quite a contrast between the dress, behaviour etc of the Muslim and Christian areas. Since i've yet to reside their i'll restrain from making premature assumptions.

Now, the food and drink here in Damascus is so special that it deserves a special paragraph of its own. Guys, the cuisine here is UNBELIEVABLE. Fresh juices, fresh morning pastries to rival the French, tender meats, impeccable cleanliness and sheesha that almost caresses your upper respiratory walls.... ahhhhhhhhh- how sweet it is to be here!... ahhhh man, i've never tasted mint like the fresh mint here...

Now something stands out here (and no doubt in the rest of the Middle East) that makes me feel sad for oldies in Britian. Over here you'll find oldies out at all hours- smoking sheesha, playing backgammon, socialising. What strikes you most is that these people are still enjoying life - something that is definitely missing in Britain. By contrast the British pretty much abandon their elders and too many end up in old peoples homes. How sad. The respect for elders and continued care is something the West desperately needs to learn from the East.

At this point a special mention goes to my friend here, Mohammed, who I know from studies in London. This guy has been so helpful, with accomodation, advice and meeting his Syrian friends (all have been such nice people). I'd probably be in more difficulty without him.

You're all probably want me to stop ranting now and move on to places i've been to. Well i've been lucky enough to visit El-Souk El-Hamdiyyah... There are few words to describe this place, other than a very long arched passage with hundreds of stalls packed into the walls with further corridors branching off, again packed out with stalls selling everything from beautifully crafted clothing to Sheeshas to handmade Syrian icecream. Before that I was lucky enough to meet a lovely couple who'd spent the most part of a year travelling across the middle east and north africa. Their names were Mahmoud and Jodie and their advice was invaluable. Unfortunately Jodie was having pretty nasty upper respiratory problems and I wish her well in getting rid of those soon! Following the visit to the Souk Mohammed, his friends and I walked around the jaw dropping Ummayid Mosque (around 1200 years old?)... Then I took photos of the oldest cafe in the world (just outside the Ummayid Mosque) and we ate the tastiest food at the Beit Jabri. Unfortunately i've been pretty slack in sorting out the procedures (much owed to an unbelievable beaurocratic procedure here) that'll allow me to study at the university here. After that Mohammed and I might visit Latakia; a beautiful beach resort sitting on the edge of the eastern Meditteranean.

All of you are welcome to my new home, so start booking those tickets!

Revealed: Naked Chicken Man sighted

2005-08-19T07:43:00.000Z

A very quick blog because i've got a frantic day ahead and i've yet to begin packing... (leaving sunday)

So yesterday on our way back from restaurant and more preparations for my leaving BBQ, Jim and I spotted the rarest creature... one only known from legend.

Yes, it's true, we spotted the naked chicken man. And this guy is a normal (respectable?) member of my locality! To cut short my probably annoying hyperbole this guy made a 4 miles return trip to Chicken Cottage in his boxer shorts...... ffuuuuuccccckkk!!! how cold must he have been? How out-of-it was he? And why couldn't he just make the effort to put a bit of extra clothing on and save my eyes from bleeding??? I swear I thought he was a seal for a moment...

I think it'd be great to put someone like that through the Krypton Factor, with the winning prize being £500 immediate spend in Chicken Heaven. Can you imagine, it'd be great watching him do the world's toughest courses just to get his plate of chicken... in the background we'd probably have a theme tune around the lines of 'How much do you want your chickiiiin????!' and the annoying Lucozade man will probably pop up every so often and talk about all the different types of chicken in his ear...........

So having hyper-analyzed this Dr Namir concludes that if your going to get the Munchies, make sure your fully clothed or have plenty of chicken at home.

...erm

2005-08-17T10:40:00.000Z

Dear Blog,

Sorry for neglecting you!

You'll be updated soon I promise!

Soon. Very soon.
....

The other day I nearly adopted a(-nother) dog! Such a shame it fell through :( More on that soon though.. (and no, before someone says it, the RSPCA didn't reject me for being a beastophile... in fact it was a stray dog I found when walking my own, but we found the owner in the end).

In the mean time i'm doing preparatory things for my holiday so I'm a busy boy...

So my encouragement goes out to you all: Send me a text you bastards! tell me that you're thinking of me! If not then just laugh at this ridiculous post...

(yes, I haven't had much sleep)

*end of random ramblings*

4 days to go!!

SEVEN FOOT WHAT?!

2005-08-07T20:29:00.000Z

So the other day I met the world's tallest man: 7'9". No seriously, check the photo! His name is Hussein Bisad (with a link to CBBC included just for comedy)...

Quite ridiculous circumstances to meet the world's tallest man too... in a sheesha cafe in Hendon full of Somalis at 2am. Random eh?

But before more I must take this opportunity to apologise t0 him: If you're out there and reading this my, no doubt, well endowed friend i'm sorry for hassling you. I was, well to say the least, under the influence. That included ordering you to stand in Iraqi: 'goum!' in order to get a pic and talking such non-sensical Arabic (that really wouldn't be the first time). Quite worrying when you're about to jet off to an Arabic speaking country...

To highlight the night this guy got into a normal car! Shouldn't this man be driving a phone box on wheels? Ridiculous!

Even more ridiculous is this. Every female i've shown the photo to, bar two today (thank God), has to speculated about his size. Seriously women, get a grip! Not only are you pondering masochism you're making me feel really small, enough I tell you!

Just to make myself feel better I started searching for photos of the smallest man in the world. A fight between him and Hussein just wouldn't be pretty...

---------

On a side note, today i'm sending the link to this blog en-masse! So welcome all!

Can anyone recommend things I might need in Syria? My brain capacity is running low lately. No I don't need a Bananaguard before you mention it Farah.

12 days to go!!!

Bunny in the Gardens

2005-08-03T20:53:00.000Z

Today I read in the The Metro (i'm restraining myself from a rant against this god-awful daily) that the Stella Artois hosted out-door Donnie Darko screening at Kensington Gardens this coming saturday will be attracting 10,000 people. That's right, TEN THOUSAND!
So i'm a bit worried by this, either I'm going to be flanked by 10,000 Darko-nuts-nerds dressed up in 6ft bunny suits or people as far as Latin America will be hear a very loud 'what the fuck just happened for the past two hours?' at the end of the film. I prefer the former; in fact, given half the chance i'd dress up for this event but the closest thing I have to 'fancy dress' are my widely-ridiculed hawaian shirts. Anyway, the fact of the matter is, i'm going and you're probably not!

For those of you who haven't seen the film there isn't enough praise I can heap on it - although I might be slightly worn out now having seen it 7 times! :) Those of you looking for a brief synopsis can do no better than: it's about a kid and giant bunny rabbit (Thanks to Jim for that)... In fact while i'm on this subject I challenge anyone to a DD mastermind - if you win i'll have to do the Otley Run, naked...
... for your sanity just let me win.

One thing made me laugh out loudly on the tube today (not usually advisable if your an unshaven Arab, but never mind). Sarfraz Manzoor, writing in the The Guardian, argued that Tony Blair lacked the credibility to emulate Jimmy Carter's peace efforts when he steps down as PM. Anyway what made me laugh was this quote:

'Before the almost universal acclaim about his handling of the London bomb attacks,
it was more acceptable to admit to enjoying hardcore pornography
than it was to admit admiring Tony Blair.'

Indeed. My twisted mind can't help but curdle this conundrum: What if you like both Hardcore Porn and Tony Blair?? On the publicity front you'd probably be very screwed [no pun intended].

And there is where I must end my sweet second day of blogging for some much needed sleep. This is also the fourth day fighting a rather inconvenient (no elaboration, before you ask) stomach bug and i'm getting tired of it so i'll leave the rest to my immune system while I sail off into dream world. Sometime soon i'll post a regularly updated list of the Yay's and the Unnervers of this forthcoming Syria trip...

Just 18 days to go!

How important it is to mention...

2005-08-02T13:26:00.000Z

... Rathergood.com ...

For those of you that know Aysar and me, you should already know about our obsessive love of the above website.

We just cannot help it. The first time my old flatmate Tim showed me the site I was in ridiculous stitches of laughter, seriously. So, one day I showed it to Aysar. Oh dear, it changed our lives. I did the clever(?) thing and showed Aysar the funniest animations all in quick succession. Big mistake (?). Have you ever seen a person crap themselves with laughter? I'm serious, this was not healthy, Aysar must have ruptured a lung or blew one of his testicles laughing that hard. You know that awkward face when your desperately trying not to fart in an important place? The face that tenses and goes red, albeit futile, since Aysar's laughter was coming in waves of farts (laughter in his case).

Anyway, I wont dwell too long on Aysars orifices.. You're probably keen to know what I'm talking about. Well for those who do not appreciate random humour you'll probably need to watch the below after a joint or a few shots but Ace and I didn't need it. All I suggest is, at the appropriate time, watch the animations Gaybar, Pants, Spoonguard, Ban Spoonguard, Simply Red and Holding in that order. Prepare to die with laughter.

To end this post I just have to explain the photos... our hairy-gerbil-resembling-Yasir-Arafat-lookalike on the far left of both pics is Aysar, in the grey shirt is Namir :) That photo was taken at the charity gig for NSCPCC and London Bombings Relief Fund on Thurs 28/07 - that blond guy in the middle is the amazing Joel Vietch (author of most if not all of the genius on rathergood.com).. Of course he must have thought Aysar and I were trainspotters judging by the way we greeted him as if he were our best mate ... but how could you not feel so naturally close to someone that provided so much laughter in your life??? Okay, i'll admit, that was my first instance of trainspotting :-O

Namir

1st blog of of my life!!!

2005-08-02T09:48:00.000Z

Greeeetings!

Welcome to my blog: Where's Zena?

Why that name then? Well Zena is the name of my parents' dog, she's a cute Lab-x-Border Collie. It's not a very relevant name but I can't waste too much time deliberating on it! I did think about Boy Meets World but some twat with special foresight spex got there before me!

Anyway, aside from that, it's all celebrations here at the launch of my very first blog, yay! Let me move on to a more pertinent issue now, so who am i?

I'm Namir, 21 (going on 42, according to some), my *base* is my beloved London. I first qualified as a Dispensing Optician in 2003, spent two years in confusion (doing the randomest courses - ask!) then decided to do a different degree (see below) ... Just in case this starts sounding like an ad out of single and desperate i'll stop right here; more about what i'm doing...

I've just finished my first year of a four year course at Leeds University studying an undergrad degree in Arabic and International Relations. If this world were a nice and happy place i'd be on cloud 9 working as a footy commentator or president of F.C. Barcelona, but sadly, it isn't and there's alot of shit hitting the fan all over the globe. Hopefully, in the not too distant future I hope to work in either journalism or human rights field work/advocacy. But right now i'm about to embark upon a year of study at the Arabic Language Institute of Damascus University. I also hope to visit a few of the surrounding countries and eat plenty of Kebabs and smoke ALOT of Sheesha ... a very basic character, you're probably thinking - indeed.

Anyways that's all for now... i'm dying for some brekkie...

Remember you guys can always comment by clicking on comment. Also don't forget to add this site to your internet browser favourites by clicking the 'favourites' tab and clicking 'add to favourites'..

Peace out,

Namir